Keep Bitterness Out and Love In

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James 1:20(ESV)
 “For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

A woman ran into an old high school classmate she hadn’t seen in over thirty-years. They were attending a repast after a funeral, and she spotted him while looking for a seat. She made a beeline to where he was sitting and without a formal greeting, she said to him “Why don’t you move down a couple of seats so I can sit down.” This to someone she hadn’t seen in over thirty years, and the oddity and familiarity of that moment didn’t escape him. With a humorous chuckle, he said, “You hadn’t changed a bit. You’re still just as bossy and mean as you were in high school.” Bossy and mean is what her husband used to say about her when they were married. It’s why they divorced. He told her that her bitterness had canceled out the love.

In significant relationships, a couple becomes very comfortable with one another. They see each other’s vulnerabilities and strengths, and they also see things about one another that they don’t like. James 1:19(NLT) tells us, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” This is God’s standard for how we should behave towards one another, but when things get heated, we use our mouths to go for the jugular. We sometimes resort to name calling, and bad language. We put each other down and say words that we wish we could take back, words that can cause irreparable damage to the relationship. 

We must understand that God is the One who sets the standard for how people should treat one another. He tells us in Ephesians 4:32(ESV) “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” 1Peter 3:9(ESV) commands, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” And Colossians 3:12-14(NLT) says, “12Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

These are God’s directives. They are not suggestions. They represent the conduct of someone who is saved by His grace and seeks to love and honor Him with all that they are. When we step outside the boundaries of love’s way and look away from God’s directives, we punish ourselves and subtract from our level of blessedness. To assume that we can violate God’s standard for how we should conduct ourselves in His love but then expect the rewards of a loving and respectful relationship is irrational and unreasonable. The manifestation of a blessing requires that we meet the conditions that cause it to materialize. God’s Word is law! It does not yield to our whims, arrogance, or rebellion against it. If we choose to ignore it, we will live beneath our privilege, and our relationships will not be what they could and should be.

God tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4(ESV) that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” Bitterness is the manifestation of rebellion or neglect of 1Corinthians 13:4. Nothing unkind, selfish, arrogant, vengeful, or envious can be birthed when God’s love is our unyielding commitment and way of living. God’s love must be worn like a second skin, and we should be this kind of person before we get into relationships, so that we are honoring God and putting Him first from the very beginning.  

2Peter 3:18(ESV) says, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity.” What does it say about a person who, after thirty years, is still stuck in the habit patterns of bitterness and resentment and refuses to live in God’s grace? It says that they are not growing in Christ the way He commands. God wants us to spiritually grow in Christ so that we live in a continual cycle of giving and receiving genuine love.

When we are habitually and frequently stepping outside the boundaries of God’s love in our significant relationships, we are making the wrong choices. We are choosing to ignore God’s standard and acquiescing into levels of darkness that are injurious and not sustainable in the relationship. We’ve assumed a certain comfort level that isn’t ours to assume, and because of this, we’ve taken license to say and do things that take us out of the example of Christ. We don’t have the right to treat people anyway we chose. God says we can only treat them with the love of Christ, and that must be our code for life. There’s a cost for going outside the boundaries of love, and we should avoid it. Understand that a comfort level in any relationship doesn’t afford you the option of going low. You must choose to keep bitterness out of your relationship and do all that you can to remain rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Keep Bitterness Out and Love In”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Not All Scars Are Visible

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Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

It’s been seven years since Karen’s divorce, and she still talks about it as if it happened yesterday. Karen and Kevin were high school sweethearts and on the day of their wedding, she could not have been more captivated and in love. Kevin felt the same way, but Karen noticed that his love and affection often came with conditions and waned from time to time. This became apparent after she gave birth to their first son.

Karen struggled to lose her baby weight, and Kevin complained about her eating habits. He often criticized her for not being able to lose the weight, and she felt he withheld his affection at times as a way of punishing her. After their second child was born two years later, she gained more weight, and with taking care of toddlers and working, it seemed harder to lose. She began to feel bad about herself. Kevin had been her best friend and the love of her life. She had counted on his support for as long as she could remember and never dreamed that he would body shame her.  

When the person you count on most in the world doesn’t show genuine concern and support, but instead hurts you deeply, it can wound your heart or open up old wounds again. You might feel devalued and very lonely. It’s important for us to know that God understands and wants to help. Philippians 4:6(NLT) tells us “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Our Heavenly Father wants us to bring all our cares to Him, including the emotional wounds that occur when our physicality is verbally demeaned by someone that is supposed to have our backs. 

1Peter 3:7(NLT) says, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” This is the standard that God has set for husbands, but when it came to her weight, Kevin didn’t do this. He didn’t honor Karen and treat her with understanding. His treatment was far from the dream of marriage she had envisioned. The disappointment of it on top of everything else cut deep, but Karen didn’t open up to Kevin about how hurt she was.

She’d try to reassure him that she was working on losing weight, and she tried many diets, but she didn’t lose as much weight as Kevin wanted. She couldn’t get back to the figure she once had, and eventually she was okay with that. After a while, Kevin’s complaints and comments about her weight lessened, but her feelings had changed about her husband. She didn’t notice it until Kevin wanted to visit his parents with the kids. She couldn’t bring herself to get excited over it, even though she dearly loved his folks. She didn’t want to go anywhere with him really. She felt ashamed and that he was always judging her. The scars from his ridicule and complaints about her weight were not visible, but they were there and they were unresolved. 

He had never apologized, and she had never told him how she truly felt. A lack of communication, compassion, and support can deepen the scars from shame and insecurity in matters like these. When neither partner is willing to confront issues with prayer and the love of Jesus Christ, they fail to introduce God’s healing which is desperately needed. Romans 8:29(NLT) tells us, “No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This verse communicates the overwhelming, unlimited, and never-ending love that God has for us. He will never stop loving us, and this same love comes to live in our hearts when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.

The scars from emotional and verbal abuse will rob a relationship of intimacy, and it also shows us very clearly that our brand of love is not enough glue to hold a relationship together. When times are challenging in our relationships, often the wounds are deep, and the residuals and emotional scars can impact our affection and devotion towards the other person. This doesn’t mean that we have to live in despair or give up on who we are. What it means is that spiritual growth in Christ is necessary, and at least one of the partners must have some recognition of this. 

Many couples are dealing with hurt that has been inflicted by abusive and unkind words, as well as other unresolved pain between them. These scars are not visible and the  issues that caused them may seem insurmountable, but nothing is impossible with the power of God’s love. When we feel bad on the inside, we eventually end up hurting others and sometimes it’s the person we love most. We can do something about this, and we should. We must always remember that our humility and honesty with ourselves, others, and most importantly, with God, will open the door to the love of Christ. If we are diligent in prayer and faith, we will introduce God’s healing within and in our relationships as well.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Not All Scars Are Visible”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Unfamiliar Pain

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Many of us are struggling with sadness because we’ve been emotionally hurt so badly in the past. When it comes to relationships, we might feel as though we can’t catch a break. Nothing seems to go as we planned. Why does finding and keeping love seem to be so difficult? All we want to do is love someone in a way that is fulfilling and meaningful, and we want to receive that same quality of love back. It’s simple enough, but the truth is that not everyone knows how to love in a fulfilling and meaningful way. Many individuals are not interested in giving quality love, even when they receive it. When we end up choosing someone like this as a partner, we sometimes set ourselves up for heartbreak. That’s not easy medicine to take, but it can heal our hearts if we’re willing to listen to God’s direction and instruction. 

We know what kind of over-the-counter medicine to take for a headache or a common cold, but gut-wrenching heartbreak is unfamiliar pain. It’s not like breaking a bone. It’s a wound we can’t touch and an ache that no pill can take away. This unfamiliar pain is probably the only kind that’s on repeat in the lives of so many people. The reason for this is because we continue to make the same choices and same mistakes when it comes to significant relationships.

After a heartbreak, some of us end up in a very lonely place, and we’re in a position where loneliness continues to persist. One of the major factors in our struggle with relationships and loneliness is our habit of making wrong choices and decisions. Take Lexie for example. Three years ago, she did everything but kidnap Devin and force him down the aisle to get him to marry her. He didn’t want to get married, but he was no match for Lexie’s persistence. Her last two long-term relationships had ended because of it, and she refused to accept any more rejection. Devin went along with the big extravagant wedding and honeymoon that Lexie had always wanted, but soon after, it was clear that the marriage wasn’t going to last.

Proverbs 2:6(ESV) tells us, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” The wisdom to make good choices and decisions comes from God, from reading and studying His Word. Lexie wasn’t interested in God’s wisdom. She didn’t ask for it and wouldn’t follow it. She had a habit of jumping into relationships too soon, and often with the wrong person. She set unattainable expectations and was in denial about a lot of red flags that would have helped her avoid the heartbreak that inevitably came her way.  Divorced for a year now, Lexie hasn’t changed. She hasn’t dated anyone seriously, but if a willing vessel came along, she’d do things exactly as she has in the past.

Like Lexie, many of us have made choices that we initially thought were very good and it ended up being very bad. We led, not with wisdom, but with our hearts. We took a leap and did so because everyone says that this is what we should do. “Follow your heart…” they say. “Your heart will never steer you wrong…” we’re told. Jeremiah 17:9(ESV) tells us about the human heart and how fickle and deceptive it can be. It says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” There’s nothing more deceptive than the human heart, and that’s why we should never lean on our own understanding about things. We must lean on the Lord.

Life will reveal that making important decisions and choices by our hearts is not always a good idea. In fact, it’s rarely a good idea. Our hearts can lead us down a very dark path, and this is a piece of information we desperately need to have in our arsenals. We all have an idea of how we want to be loved, and some of us have unrealistic expectations about this. We’re in the wrong lane when it comes to the quality of love we receive and give. Those expectations must be adjusted before we can partner in a relationship wisely and from a place of strength.

Life is given by God to be lived out in faith, not fantasy. Romans 5:3-5(NLT) “3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Relationships that are built on fantasy will not last. They must be built on our faith in God, and this means we must demonstrate the endurance and strength of character that He requires.

Life is not a romance movie. It’s filled with ups and downs, and some of the downs can be devastating. Our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, didn’t keep this a secret. In John 16:33, he told us about the troubles that come with life on earth, but he also made it clear that we can have peace in our hearts because he overcame the world, and through him, we will to. Jesus Christ gives us peace, but the world will cause some trouble in our lives, and the way that we overcome that trouble is through our faith in him. 1John 5:4(NL) says, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.”

Significant relationships can present some of our greatest challenges. If we add unrealistic or unattainable expectations to the mix, we’re setting ourselves up for disaster. God doesn’t want this for us. He wants us to learn to walk by the Spirit so that we can be wise and make wise relationship decisions.

Don’t make the unfamiliar pain of heartbreak a familiar but unwelcome guest. Don’t let it be on repeat in your life. James 1:5(NLT) says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Let God’s wisdom lead you in your relationship choices, and that includes the choice about the person you are considering dating. Have faith that God will lead you in the right direction, and do not leap unless He tells you that it’s okay to do so. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Unfamiliar Pain”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Through Rivers of Difficulty, God is With You

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Luke 12:6-7(NLT)
“6 What is the price of five sparrows–two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. 7 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

Pam and Jesse have been married for thirty-five years. They have three grown children and two grandchildren. While visiting her mother in Florida for a few days, she received a phone call that her husband had suddenly passed away of a heart attack. Not more than two months prior, they’d celebrated his sixtieth birthday. Pam initially froze from the shock of the news. She had just spoken with her husband that morning, and she just couldn’t process what had happened, but as the hours passed, something completely unexpected happened. Pam felt almost a sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 

Jesse was a very intelligent and resourceful man. He was also proud, stubborn, unaffectionate, and always had to be right. An electrician by trade, he was masterful at repairing and building just about anything. He always wanted more out of life and resented his parents for not helping him go to college after high school to become an engineer. Throughout their marriage, he had taken the brunt of his disappointments and frustrations out on Pam. From the very beginning, he turned to alcohol to cope with stressful situations, but things got worse after the children were born. He was verbally and physically abusive, and his two sons grew up disliking their father because of it. Alcoholism and abuse had been the norm in their home, but for Jesse, marital counseling was out of the question, and so was divorce. Pam felt that she had spent the last thirty-five years holding her breath in the prison that Jesse had made for them all. When he died, she felt she was finally able to come up for air.

Ephesians 5:28-29(ESV) tells us, “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” Jessie didn’t do a decent job of loving himself, so Pam really didn’t stand a chance. He couldn’t love Pam as the Word teaches in Ephesians 5:28-29, because he didn’t allow God’s Word and love to saturate his heart. He tried to mask his resentment and anger with alcohol, and after he turned 50, his body began to betray him with numerous health issues.

Pam said she blamed herself for not mustering up the courage to leave Jesse years ago, but she didn’t want her children to grow up without their father. She also didn’t think she could make it on her own. She was sometimes angry with God that things had turned out the way they did, but she hadn’t considered the reality that life is full of choices, and sometimes we repeatedly make the wrong ones. At fifty-seven, she’s beginning to understand that whether it’s when you’re twenty-five or fifty-five, life will push us all to confront how we see and value our own selves. 

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This is what we have received as God’s children! Through the Holy Spirit, we have received power, love, and self-discipline or self-control. We are empowered to live with authority and dominion over our own lives, but many of us are not taught the truth of 2Timothy 1:7. We make mistakes because of our insecurities and self-doubt, and the enemy continually hurls situations and circumstances that keep us down and separated from the mind and heart required to exercise power, love, and self-discipline.

Jesus Christ tells us in Luke 12:6-7 that God knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows everything there is to know about us, and He also knows what He has given us. Ephesians 1:3(NLT) demonstrates God’s overwhelming generosity towards us. It says, “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.” We are pressed down, shaken together, and packed to overflowing, and God tells us this in His Word. He wants us to know how richly He’s blessed us, and He leaves it totally to us to reach out and grab all that He’s provided.

God told His people in Isaiah 43:2(NLT), “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” He will do this and so much more for those who love and honor Him. Like many of us, it took Pam several years to recognize this. God had not let her down, because it is impossible for Him to disappoint us. He would not place us in a position where we have to wait until someone dies to experience His freedom. We can live in His peace and liberty this very moment if we will trust Him. He will bring us through the rivers of difficulty and not let us drown. We will witness this continually if we have faith in His strength, love, and power, and trust in all that He has given us in Christ.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

 “Through Rivers of Difficulty, God is With You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Don’t Let Anger Control You

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Ephesians 4:26-27(NLT)
“And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

Grace and her sister have had a contentious relationship since they were young. Fighting weekly was the norm for them. Their parents saw it as sibling rivalry and did nothing to help them get along. Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed. Holidays, birthday celebrations, weddings, dinners with their parents, no matter the occasion, because of their deep-seated anger, these two sisters ignore each other and hardly ever speak.

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure, disapproval, and hostility. It is a mistake to think that once the situation or event that caused us to feel anger is over that it will go away. Sometimes, the anger doesn’t go away. Instead, it remains in our souls and increases its grip on us in the background. It can be a strong sense of powerlessness that causes us to lash out whenever we feel threatened. For many of us, it’s the go-to emotion that we use to cover up other pain and hurt. Our minds tell us that holding on to the anger with resentment or a grudge seems easier or more beneficial than to forgive. Grace and her sister took that approach. They never learned to address their anger through the love of Jesus Christ, and because they didn’t, they lived beneath their privilege.

As we look back over our childhoods, some of us might remember that there were a lot of passively angry people within our everyday environment. They used profanity and didn’t have a whole lot of compassion for the feelings and well-being of others. Some of us who saw this picked up those habits without giving it much thought. We took on this anger and used it in our words, attitudes, and manner of dealing with even those relationships that are dearest to us.

My nephew told me about a Christian woman that is a notoriously good baker. One Saturday, he went to a bake sale where she was selling her homemade cookies. The place was packed. People were getting antsy, and the baker was feeling pressured. They had been waiting in line for her cookies, and when it looked as though they would soon be sold out, things got a little disorderly. They began to yell out their orders rather than waiting their turn. My nephew noticed that the baker’s son had become agitated by everything, and when he yanked on her apron to get her attention, she spoke to him in a manner that was harsh, angry, and profane.

Many of us have seen mothers do this in public and not thought anything of it, but we should think of what it does to the child’s heart. God commands us in Ephesians 4:29(NLT), “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” The habit patterns of anger can be very easily passed on to us, and when they are, God commands us to root them out of our hearts.

Proverbs 14:12(NLT) says, “There is a path before each person that seems right,
but it ends in death.”  We think we have it all figured out, but the truth is, we can only see as far as our eyes allow us, and that is very limited. God sees the entire scope of our lives, so we must always trust His leadership and guidance, because only He can make our path clear and straight. There will always be things that will come against us and try to hinder or hold us back, but we must not respond in anger, because anger will set us further back. It will separate us from God’s blessings if we do not deal with in through His love.

Proverbs 14:17(NLT) tells us, “Short-tempered people do foolish things.” Many of us have witnessed this firsthand. People can appear to be very calm and non-reactionary. They look as though they’ve got it all together, but underneath all that exterior is a rage that seeps out at the most unassuming times. They are angry at the world but cover it up with a smile. This isn’t what God wants for us. He doesn’t want us to be fake. He wants us to exercise self-control that comes from trusting Him with all our hearts.

Anger should not be dominant or dormant in a loving person. As a child of God, you can’t hide behind it, because anger will never remain hidden. It must be nailed to the cross and left there. We must relinquish it and put on more of the love of Christ in its place.

Psalm 4:4(NLT) commands, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.”  Life will respond to what we give it, and it knows when anger is ruling the roost. It will show up in a way that keeps people at bay. Anger will keep a future husband circling around us but never making contact, because we haven’t created a soft place for his love to land. Let’s not do this to ourselves. Proverbs 14:22(NLT) says, “If you plan to do good, you will receive unfailing love and faithfulness.” So, plan to root out any anger and rage that is in your heart, so you can both give and receive the kind of unfailing love and faithfulness that God wants you to have. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Don’t Let Anger Control You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Stretch to Take Hold of the Promise

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Genesis 18 tells us that three men came to visit Abraham. This record suggests that he recognized they were not ordinary men, because he ran to meet them and bowed himself to the ground before the leader of the three. He then offered them hospitality, as was customary during the time in which he lived. Abraham was honored by their presence and wanted to present the best, so he sent word to his wife, Sarah, to quickly make a meal of the finest quality. He then took it to them, and he stood by under a tree as they ate this meal. These men asked, “Where is Sarah, your wife?” In a usual context, men outside the family would not dare to inquire after a man’s wife. During that time, women were not seen as equal to men, and the culture was such that they remained quiet and behind the scenes. So, the mention of Sarah’s name tells us, as the readers of these scriptures, that this visit was heavenly, and the question represented the visit’s spiritual significance.

This was not the first time that Abraham had been visited by heavenly hosts. God had big plans for this ordinary man and his wife, and their faith needed the intervention of the supernatural in order to manifest the promise God had made to them. Sarah was in her senior years, way past the age of childbearing, but God ordained that she should deliver a child in her old age. The event would be miraculous, and this child would be produced from their faith in Him. This birth would exceed the boundaries of human expectation and understanding, and it would also demonstrate that Abraham and Sarah were fully persuaded that what God promises, He is willing and able to perform.

We need some Abraham and Sarah faith, and we also need to understand that they didn’t just automatically arrive at the place of unwavering faith. They went through some things. They were at times challenged by their fears, and in some cases, struggled with doubt and unbelief. This happens to us as well. We need to prepare our minds and hearts for the reality that life is dynamic, and it will stretch our faith in ways that are not always comfortable. Our desires prove this out for us, because how badly and sincerely we want our lives to change will be tested.

Philippians 4:19(ESV) tells us, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” When we give our lives to Jesus Christ and begin to live for him, we become God’s children. We can then have a confident expectation that God will take care of our needs, because this is what He has promised to do. He will supply all our needs and do so from His rich and infinite supply, but we must be mindful of the reality that God is not into greed. He has promised to supply our needs, but He will not support greediness, so we must keep that in check.

2Corinthians 9:8(NLT) says, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” Sometimes, we want things that we do not need. We are thankful to God for our current level of blessing, but we find that we need to expand. Our lives must increase as we move from one level of blessing to the next. This happens because we desire a fuller expression of all that we are, and we need greater resources—greater people, relationships, and tools—to fulfill our greatest potential. This desire for expansion and greater expression is in all rational human beings.

We don’t need new cars, clothes, shoes, and gadgets; we want them. We feel they will aid us in our quest to go higher, and our Heavenly Father’s grace will increase towards us in this manner, but there’s something we must understand. An increase in the good work that we do for God’s Kingdom must accompany our desire to go higher. This is the part that many of us miss.

God doesn’t want our lives to be stagnant. He wants them to be ever growing in Christ! As we grow in Christ, our needs and desires change, but our desire to do more for the Kingdom should change as well. When some of us hear this, we might laugh as Sarah did when she heard the prophecy of the three men. Genesis 18:12-15(NLT) tells us, “12 So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master—my husband—is also so old?” 13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, ‘Can an old woman like me have a baby?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

Sarah couldn’t see it, and this is where many of us are today. We’re asking for the blessing, but our minds can’t fathom doing a greater work for God than we’re currently doing. We must ask ourselves if we are really exercising faith when we expect God to give us the thing that we’ve prayed to receive but we don’t have faith that He will increase us spiritually and cause our ministries and good works to expand. One of the two should take higher precedence in our lives, and that is increasing in our gifts, talents, and abilities so that we can do greater works and please God in a greater way.

From the time the Word of the Lord was given to them, to the time that our dear sister in faith, Sarah, conceived a child, her faith and believing increased dramatically. She became sold out and fully persuaded in the Words God had spoken. She was convinced that even in her old age, the grace of God would do the miraculous and allow her to mother the child she and Abraham had so desperately wanted. Sarah stretched to take hold of the promise, and that is exactly what we must do. We cannot become weary in well doing, instead, we must tune in to the Lord and listen to what He says. He will give us revelation and instruction, and they will increase our faith to do greater works so that we are poised to welcome the newness He brings into our lives.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Stretch to Take Hold of the Promise”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Speak Life and Not Death

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2Romans 10:9-10(NIV)
“9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”

From the time that he was able to understand words, Kayden’s mother has taught him the Word of God. He’s eight now. He’s a stellar student, well behaved, and encourages his classmates with the scriptures whenever he feels led by the Spirit to do so. While playing on the beach this summer, another eight-year-old boy came up and asked Kayden if he wanted to play. He remembered the words of his mom, telling him that meeting new people is never by chance; it’s an opportunity to introduce someone new to Jesus Christ. After playing a little while, this is exactly what Kayden did. He spoke the words of Romans 10:9-10 perfectly and asked the little boy if he wanted Jesus Christ to be his Lord and Savior. The little boy said, “Yes, I accept Jesus!” And that’s all it took for a seed to be planted.

It’s almost as if children come out of the womb these days with a sense of purpose and a level of maturity that folks our age never had. It astonishes us. The acumen for technology and a faster pace of life seems to be already programmed into them. They’re smart, and this is by God’s design. They are able to handle the truth at a much earlier age, and God means for us, as parents, guardians, and relatives, to take advantage of that and teach them the Word early.

The world is increasingly complex and challenging to navigate, and it will become even more so if the Lord should tarry. Children today must be equipped, so that they can discern a trick from a blessing. They must be wise, and more importantly, they must be saved.

Proverbs 18:21(NIV) says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” At eight years old, Kayden knew the power of his tongue. He recognized an opportunity to open his mouth and speak life, and even if the little boy had rejected Jesus, Kayden’s reward is still great. Our Master Jesus spoke these words in Matthew 12:33-37(NIV), “33 Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 35 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Kayden bore fruit that glorious day, and he did so because of the goodness that was planted in his heart by the Holy Spirit. He is a good tree that brought forth good fruit. The same should be said of every believer in Christ.

Many of us have developed a pattern of making the wrong choice when it comes to what we allow out of our mouths. We confess negativity and are profane in our conversations, and in this way, we are choosing to speak death and not life. That habit is keeping us separated from the blessing we seek. We’ve been praying for marriage but have never led another person into salvation. We’ve never witness the Word to anyone, and sometimes it is because we are ashamed of the Gospel. We say that we don’t know the Bible well enough. Well, Kayden is eight! He hasn’t read the whole Bible, but he knew enough of the Word to make a difference in someone’s life, and he was committed to speak what he knew. God holds us accountable for doing the same.

2Corinthians 5:20(NIV) says, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.” This is who we are if we’ve been saved by the blood of the lamb. We’re ambassadors of Jesus Christ! This is the highest office any of us could ever hope to hold. We’re here on this earth on a mission, but if we’re blatantly honest, some of us haven’t thought of ourselves in this way. Even if we met the future spouse ten minutes from now, we would not be a witness of the Gospel in his life. Some women wouldn’t even think to prioritize the privilege of introducing him to the Lord Jesus Christ. It would be the last thing on their minds. For those women, God knows what is in their hearts. He knows that they will not bear fruit because they won’t make their commitment to Him and His Word known to the new man. They would not live out that commitment as a witness and testimony to God’s goodness before the new man’s eyes.

We have missed tons of opportunities to do what Kayden did, and some of us have simply never thought about the reality that we owe God an apology for this. He has called us out from among the world and has commanded that our lives be employed for His glory, but some of us simply haven’t heeded God’s call. We haven’t bore fruit or given Him anything significant to reward. This can be changed, and we ought to make that change a priority. Our tongue is designed by God to be an instrument of profound change. It can be a life-saving tool if we speak words of life and not death. Pray that you will never miss an opportunity to be a witness of God’s Word again. As you are moved by the Spirit, tell people about the Gospel of Jesus Christ! Demonstrate to God and all of heaven that your stand upon His Word is strong enough to lay out the welcome mat for your future spouse into the body of Christ and into your life as well.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

 “Speak Life and Not Death”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A Clean Heart Creates a New You

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Ezekiel 36:26-27(NLT)
“26 And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

Our Lord is in no short supply of blessings and riches, and it is His good pleasure to lavish them on His children. We can see this so clear in Ezekiel 36:26-27, as He beautifully illustrates the level of His power and grace. In Old Testament times, God chose the Israelites as His very special people. He made a covenant with them. He would be their God and they agreed to follow His statues, rules, and laws. Following His Word allowed them to be covered under His protection and provision, but they would not keep their end of the covenant and began to practice idolatry. This betrayal against God landed them in serious hot water. They turned their hearts away from Him and had no desire to obey, but God had a plan to do the exceedingly abundantly. He always does, and this is a truth that we can rest in with a heart and mind full of unwavering faith.

Even after countless miracles and blessings, the children of Israel strayed away from God. They didn’t represent Him among the other nations, and those nations were cursing our Heavenly Father’s name and speaking lies about Him. He was not going to stand for that. During this period in the Old Testament, His people had stony hearts towards Him. They refused to listen to our Heavenly Father and chose to go their own way, but He had a plan. In this passage in Ezekiel 36:26-27, He speaks to His people through His prophet, Ezekiel, and tells them that a day is coming when He will no longer write His Word upon tablets of stone, but upon the hearts of those who love and honor Him.

Some believers living today have done what the children of Israel did, they have developed a hard heart towards God and His Word. They are listening to the world and disconnecting from the truth, and there’s a price to pay for this. The Israelites of the Old Testament were not sons and daughters of God the way that we are. They were servants of God, so there’s a huge difference between those living in Old Testament times and believers living today. We have received an enormous gift from God. We have been empowered through His Holy Spirit, and we have a greater responsibility to live by the rules of God’s Kingdom and follow the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Because of what God accomplished through Jesus Christ, we have received God’s seed, the gift of the Holy Spirit, and he lives inside us! 1Corinthians 6:19-20(NLT) says, “19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”

Through the Holy Spirit, God has given us a new heart that is tender and responsive to Him, and it is our privilege and responsibility to nurture our hearts with His Word every chance we get. Philippians 2:13(NLT) says, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” This is what God’s Holy Spirit does. He works within our body temples and gives us both the desire and power to do the things that please God. Jesus Christ also tells us in John 16:13 that the Spirit will lead and guide us to all truth! With this exciting good news, we must also understand that yes, the Spirit is working in us, and yes, he will guide us into the truth, but he will not go against our free-will and make us comply with his leadership and direction.

In Proverbs 4:23(ESV), God tells us to “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.” We are the keepers of our own hearts, and we must make the choice to surrender to the Spirit. Sometimes we don’t do this because we have not kept our hearts through God’s Word. As His beloved children, we always have to put ourselves in check. Have you noticed the condition of your heart lately? Has anyone mentioned something about your attitude or behavior that needs changing? Are you aware of how quickly you get upset when something doesn’t go your way? How do you handle not being the one in control?

We can be very petty and picky, and we can have an attitude that looks nothing like the attitude of Christ. We must be blatantly honest and examine whether things like these are holding us back. It would be a mistake to think that we can walk by faith while still resisting change. We must be flexible, pliable, and humble to God’s Will, and we must nurture our minds and hearts with His Word.

We can’t listen to what others think is right, we must know what is right according to what God says. If we have any question about this, the Spirit will straighten us right on out. Cynicism and pessimism can take root in us if we’re not careful, and when they are in our hearts, they draw the situations and people that latch on and keep us from growing and going higher. 2Corinthians 5:17(NLT) tells us, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” Because of his sacrifice and resurrection, Jesus Christ has given us the Holy Spirit, and the Spirit has made us a new person. We can’t allow people to take us back to those old stuck in the mud ways. We must keep our eyes on Christ and follow where he leads us through the Spirit.

Jesus Christ has made a ‘new you’ possible! This is the ‘new you’ that must be presented to your future spouse! You’ve been empowered to love yourself and others through his love, and this makes all the difference in our relationships. God made good on the Word He gave to His prophet, Ezekiel. He’s given us a new heart, and we are responsible for keeping our hearts responsive to Him and pliable to the plan He has for our lives. His love is deep and everlasting, and we must be confident that His promise of a new heart and a new life in Christ is all the hope we need to usher in new blessings in our lives.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“A Clean Heart Creates a New You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Making Room for the Blessing

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Admitting that our lives have become cluttered is not something we want to face; but admitting that our souls are equally cluttered is a definite hands-off for most of us. We’ve heard a bunch of brilliant teachings on faith and prayer, and we’ve gone through enough of life’s ups and downs to know that the hand of God is on us, yet there’s something down deep that we just can’t get to. Jesus Christ has given us his joy. This means we’re supposed to experience a joy that fills our every longing and satisfies our every thirst, however, we’re not there. We’re not there in our souls and we feel the bigness of that absence in every aspect of our existences. Truthfully, we’ve been feeling the absence of the ‘uniquely special’ for a long time. We have to be real about that. The reality that Jesus is our everything is not connecting with us way down deep, and because it isn’t, we’re frustrated, sad, and need something to change in a hurry.

A blatantly honest question we must ask ourselves is whether there’s some clutter down deep that is weighing so heavily on our souls that we’ve never really come up for air. The stress of being single in a very cold and uncaring world; the pain of loss and heartbreak; the sting of disappointment after disappointment; anxiety, sadness, health challenges, and other chronic stresses; these are just a few of the heavies we’ve endured, and the  leftovers are still with us. Some of us have much more than these. It’s not just one or two things, but multiple residuals from emotionally painful experiences are weighing us down.

Although we’d like to believe that these just melted away after the trauma subsided, that just isn’t the case. If we had a window into our own souls, many of us would be shocked. We would not see the middle or end of it for all the clutter that would block our view. We understand all too well that life is busy, and that we have a call to fulfill and a purpose to perform. We just couldn’t be bothered to slow down, examine, analyze, and comb through. There was no time between working, worshiping, caring for others, and trying to put a smile on our faces. So, the clutter kept silently growing and taking up space, to the point where, as bad as we want newness, there’s no room for it.

Declutter

Now there’s a word, ‘declutter’. The formal definition is to remove unnecessary items from a crowded space. Sounds easy enough. We know how to do it in our homes and other spaces, but when it comes to the soul, many of us consider it an absurd notion. We might think that this bit was handled when we were saved. The truth is that our human spirits were recreated when we became born-again, but our souls were not. 2Corinthians 5:17(NLT) tells us, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” This is what happens when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior. We become a new person because our spirit is recreated and made brand new, but the soul is the business of our free-will. God will not come inside our minds and hearts and start throwing out all the bad thoughts, attitudes, and feelings. Through Christ, He has recreated our human spirits. He made them brand new and placed His Holy Spirit inside them. With all that power inside us, He commands us in Ephesians 4:23 to get busy renewing our minds and making them line up with our new spiritual reality in Christ.

This is our responsibility as followers of Christ, and most of us do this work of renewing our minds and changing our hearts gradually and sometimes it’s slower than life demands. God is extremely patient with us. He doesn’t rush us, but He expects that we will tend to the matters of the soul. He has designed life to cooperate with us when we do, but life has a way of sounding its alarm when we don’t.

The alarm

Many of us have been praying for quite some time to receive a particular blessing that is very dear to our hearts. We might be thinking that God is causing a delay, but that isn’t true. Life is sounding the alarm about what is in our souls. Our minds are not at peace, we’re not listening to the Father and releasing the things He’s told us to, and all this clutter is a result of our lack of faith in His ability and willingness to bless us. We have to come to grips with the reality that mentally, emotionally, and physically, we have not made room for the blessing we seek.

In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), through the Apostle Paul, God commands us to “strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up.” In Ephesians 4:24(NLT), He tells us to “Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” God is not going to do what He tells us to do. He commands us to be obedient and to do the things He says in His Word. We are to strip off the things that hold us back and put on the things that propel us forward and higher. This decluttering of our souls is not a suggestion. It’s not something we can negotiate with God about. The work of the soul is something every believer must do.

The questions

Some of us have never asked the Lord, “What is holding me back?” or “What must I do to show You I’m ready for what you have in store?” We can become so closed off in our routines that we are walking in circles, not recognizing that the journey of releasing and surrendering must begin. It has too. It’s a journey we all must take. Some of our behaviors—the way we think, our attitudes about life—must change, and it is a healthy and necessary process to pray about this, seek the Lord continually, and be led by His Holy Spirit to deal with some internal blockers.

We’re challenged because our lives are so busy, and the luxury of actually sitting with ourselves and looking at ourselves through the lens of God’s Word is one that many of us have neglected. Whether it’s fear of hurt and heartbreak, addictions, obsessions, negative attitudes, deep sadness, or any other thing that boxes us in, all of these can weigh us down and keep us separated from what we desire. Trust with all your heart that if God tells you to release something, indeed you can release it. So, let nothing keep you from the change the Lord desires you to make. Begin the journey and let Him lead you through it. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Making Room for the Blessing”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

The Winning Position

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A dear friend called me up recently and was very excited to tell me about her news. A co-worker encouraged her to sign-up on a dating app, and after contemplating it for several weeks, she finally did it. Single for the last ten years, she figured she’d give it another shot. It wasn’t long before she caught the eye of someone, and they began to have conversations. She kept me posted on their progress, and I thought that he sounded like a really nice guy. They finally decided to meet in person, but to my surprise, she was very nervous and hesitant. Although his conversations were nice, she said to me, “I’m really not attracted to his profile picture.” She didn’t think he’d be her type but went to meet him on the off chance that she’d be pleasantly surprised.

These are the kinds of hit-or-miss situations that single people indulge when they do not understand the degree to which God will lead and guide them when they seek Him. Some dating apps have worked out for some singles, there’s no question about that, but as born-again believers, we need to be sure to obtain a greenlight from Heavenly Father that a dating app is the way to go.

He commands us in 2Corinthians 6:14(NLT), “14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” Our Heavenly Father does not lie. His Word is true, righteous, and holy, and His Word never fails. This scripture in 2Corinthians 6:14 has nothing to do with a person’s physical appearance; it’s not talking about looks. It’s talking about spiritual realities. It is speaking to the spiritual identity of a human being, whether they are born of God’s Spirit or if they are a child of satan and do not belong to God at all. If they do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and reject him, they are unbelievers, and God tells us not to partner with them.

1John 1:5(NLT) says, “This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” God is ALL light, and He desires His light and love to cover everything that we do, and this is especially true of our unions. He would not tell us not to partner with darkness and then turn around and help us to do so. He wants us to seek Him and follow His direction. If He tells us to move, then we move. If He doesn’t tell us to move, then we don’t. We stay put and remain diligent to pray, and to read and study His Word, so that we continually go higher in Christ.

God is not hard of hearing, neither is He negligent in any way. He alone is the One who establishes the path to all blessings. He tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6(NLT), “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” God is not slow or slack to fulfill His promises. Our responsibility as His sons and daughters is to seek Him. Jesus Christ commands us in Matthew 6:33(NLT), “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

Be assured that hit-or-miss is not the Father’s way. When we meet men that do not meet our expectations, the inevitability of hurting someone’s feelings is always present. Even if their egos are slightly bruised, this is an offense we have caused that will ultimately come back to us. It isn’t worth it to leave a poor witness like this.

Your life is extremely valuable to our Heavenly Father. He wants to keep you protected and safe, and He doesn’t want you taking a chance on anyone that might harm you in any way. God gave His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for our sins so that you could always be in a winning position in life. We have the victory of Jesus Christ, but we must do our part. We must be wise about the decisions and choices we make, and most importantly, we must seek God in every aspect of our existences. He tells us in James 1:5(NLT), “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”  When it comes to dating and finding the person who He has ordained to walk with us through life, this is exactly what we must do. We must ask the Father and have faith that He will lead, guide, and direct us on the right path.■

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“The Winning Position” written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!