He Wants to Fit You in His Back Pocket

Shana said that she sometimes feels there’s a sign on her back that says, “I’m an easy target.” She no longer trusts her ability to chose someone that is right for her life because all her relationships in the past have been abusive. Emotionally exhausted and still in shock over her last boyfriend’s attack, she desperately wants to understand why this keeps happening to her. She’s a very attractive, savvy, and deeply compassionate person. She would never hurt a fly. Her friends and family adore her, and they are always on red alert whenever she dates someone new. Her mother is very concerned and even suggested, “Marriage isn’t for everyone. Maybe you should try being alone for a while.”   

The truth is that Shana loves being in love. Getting married and having a family of her own is her dream, and deep down, she believes it will come true. The thing that has troubled Shana greatly is the men she meets are completely different in the beginning than who they appear to be at the end. The difference is night and day. It’s as if they meet her and after a while, turn into someone she doesn’t recognize. If this had happened only once, she may not have questioned it, but it’s happened with all her adult relationships.

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) tells us, For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.Taking it one step closer, Romans 11:29 gives us everything we need to be anchored in this truth and tells us that God’s gifts and His call cannot be withdrawn. Heavenly Father has given us the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. He calls on us to stand upon His gifts, because they are good gifts. They are given to us to aid our lives, increase our faith, and most importantly, to help build our relationship with Him through the Lord Jesus Christ. The spiritual goodies that God did not give us are those that should be rejected. If it doesn’t come from Him, it comes from darkness, and therefore, we should mark it “Return to Sender.”

There is nothing random about our lives. Everything about us is created with a purpose specific to God’s Divine Will and Plan. He doesn’t make mistakes. Everything He does is perfect, and there is a reason for everything He does. Romans 8:28(NKJV) tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” To our great disservice, most people underestimate their purpose in God’s plan. They think it’s an arbitrary thing and it doesn’t matter whether they pursue it or not. Because of this cavalier attitude, they also underestimate the unrelenting and evil attacks against them. They are blinded to them—never see them coming.

God’s call is everything. It is life itself! Fulfilling the thing for which we were born literally transforms every detail of our existences. We need to wake up to the reality that when we walk in our purpose, God will cause every detail of our lives to come together, cooperate, and work out for our good. Just the opposite will happen when His purpose is far from our view. And make no mistake, when God’s purpose is far from our view, the devil will try his best to keep it that way. Destiny snatching is the name of the devil’s game, and when we find ourselves stuck in the way that Shana is, the evil minions of darkness are whispering poison in the ears of those who can be used to harm us most.

Blocking your shine, trying to snuff out your light, attempting to squash the magnificence of your call is the abuser’s aim. On every hand he wants to minimize all that you are, so that he can fit you in his back pocket, where you are hidden, silenced, and can only move as he permits. 2Corinithians 4:4(NLT) tells us, Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.” The light of Christ is the truth, and when we can’t see the truth, we live beneath our privilege.

To keep us blind, to minimize our Christ authority and power, and to silence us so that we will not capture the blessings and power linked to our destiny is the objective the devil achieves through an abuser. When we’re blinded from the truth, we don’t recognize abusers. Our spiritual senses are dull, and we can’t smell the demonic activity of darkness when it’s in our midst. The solution is not to resort to fear, because God didn’t give us a spirit of fear; it doesn’t come from Him. The solution is to turn to Jesus Christ!

Don’t let anyone hide your light. Don’t let them put you in their back pocket and cancel your destiny. We must be as diligent to protect the treasure we carry in the inner sanctum of our beings as the enemy is to destroy it. 2Thessalonians 3:3(NLT) tells us, “But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.” God is faithful, but we have an obligation to trust Him. Our faith is not just lip service. We must be committed to walk with the Lord every moment of each day. When this is our heart, and we’re growing in His Word, we will grow in spiritual maturity and authority in Christ, and nothing in the earth is more powerful than that. ■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“He Wants to Fit You in His Back Pocket”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A Slight Change in Our Everyday ‘Get Down’

I had the opportunity to watch a photo shoot recently, and I was struck by how many photos were taken and how frequently they were shot. There seemed to be hardly any movement at all by those being photographed, but the photographer repeatedly took what appeared to me to be the exact same photo. Sometimes he’d tell them to move ever so slightly to the left or right, or to tilt their heads a little, up or down. The thing that surprised me most when I got to see the actual shots was that even though the folks in the frame hardly moved, none of the photographs of them looked the same. All my years on this Christian journey proved that what I witnessed on this photo shoot is a metaphor for life. Sometimes it’s just a slight movement in our perception, thoughts, and behaviors that will make a profound difference in our lives.

Truth will forever be the foundation of life. It is required for a life to be lived well. Our lives may not start out on solid footing, but as we expand our understanding of the truth, our lives will increase in meaningfulness and fulfillment. This is exactly what Jesus Christ was pointing to when he said in John 10:10(NKJV), “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”  Jesus Christ is the truth, and the truth is life! Christ is the living Word of God. He tells us in John 14:6 that He is the way, the truth, and the life. So, we can know resolutely that in order for our lives to truly expand with God’s goodness and grace, it must be done through a knowledge of Christ.

Jesus Christ doesn’t keep the fullness of his life a secret. He shared it with us all freely, because that is what truth does. There’s nothing clandestine, sinister, or manipulative about the truth. It’s out there in the open for all to see. It’s transparent! So, our powerful Lord and Savior shared his whole ‘get down’ with us, his baby brothers and sisters. By his flawless example of love, he is helping us to grow up so we can be the men and women God created us to be. Romans 8:29(NLT) tells us, For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.”

When it comes to the quality of our lives, many of us either ignore, neglect, or refuse to acknowledge that we’re not the ones holding the camera. We don’t own it and we can’t position it to photograph only the prettiest picture. The lens belongs to Christ and he sees it all; the good, the bad, and the ugly. He doesn’t punish us because we didn’t make the right moves. He corrects us, and that is exactly what we would expect an expert to do!

God has already given us everything we need to get the positioning just right. We’re exactly where we need to be to walk in the destiny He’s set for our lives. Ephesians 2:10(NLT) affirms, For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” God planned for us to get some things done in the earth while we’re here. The DNA for the things He planned come standard with our packaging. We’re pre-programmed for them and this doesn’t require us to do a whole lot of finagling and messing around with things. Often, it’s just a slight movement in our everyday ‘get down’ that will open our eyes to new opportunities.

The smallest thing can lead to a profound change in our lives, but it will require humility towards God to receive the revelation that will help us make it. Another way of seeing things, a different attitude towards a person or circumstance, and most importantly, a greater understanding of God’s love, can open the door to being in the right place at the right time for purpose and destiny. We can’t assume that our lens is the only perspective. Only one outcome can be achieved from our own vantage points. We need a heavenly view, one from which a beautiful portrait can be revealed. We need to see the masterpiece that God sees when He looks at us. This should be our constant prayer. Let’s pray that Heavenly Father floods our understanding with revelation regarding our precious Lord and Savior. Let’s be humble enough to hear what Heavenly Father has to say to us. Then we can make those slight changes, and they will point us in the direction of God’s bountiful blessings. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Slight Change in our Everyday ‘Get Down’”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Love Is Much More Than You Think

“Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.”
1John 2:15(NLT)

When you love someone and this person causes you harm, the hurt can feel like nothing else you’ve ever experienced. And yet, some have said that not loving a person with your whole heart is lonely and much more painful. We are brought up to believe that our lives should revolve around the person we fall for. Most of us want this for ourselves, and I was no exception. When I was in my twenties, I invested my everything into my relationships, but wanting to love someone and to be loved by them was followed by pain and devastating heartbreak repeatedly. I wanted so badly to break the cycle, but I didn’t have a clue how to do it.

1John 2:15 tells us not to love this world or the things it offers. We need to discern this wisdom. God wants us to know that obsession isn’t love, and when we feel the need to fill up our empty places with another person, our expectations are unreasonable. Heavenly Father didn’t create us to idolize one another. He created us to walk in His Spirit through Jesus Christ, and love others from a place of spiritual strength. Often, we meet individuals that are not good for our lives, but it’s something about them that makes our hearts swoon. We feel a connection, and we allow this person into our hearts without consulting Heavenly Father. We leap before we look, and this can be a very dangerous thing.

Someone said, “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” If that is the case, why are we all not falling madly in love with our Creator? He is the only One who deserves our whole hearts, yet, most people do not even acknowledge Him. God has given us free-will choice. We can and should help who we fall in love with. This is the piece of information that I needed to know to break the cycle of bad choices.God has made us totally responsible and capable of making good judgments and sound decisions, but our trust must always be placed in Him. We should never make a person our everything, because they can never live up to that role. They are as imperfect as we are. Instead, we should seek the kind of relationship with Heavenly Father where His love swells in our hearts. When it does, not only will we be guided by His love, but He will teach us how to discern through His Spirit, so that we love smart.

Proverbs 27:19(NLT) tells us, “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” A person will reveal to you their true essence in a short period of time. The question is whether you will have the discernment to recognize the voice of God telling you to walk away. Even if the person seems to check off the right boxes, they could be terribly bad for your life.

Love is so much more than we think. It is so much deeper than butterflies in our tummies and swooning in our hearts. That stuff can be fun and makes the heart grow fonder, but make no mistake, the love of God in Christ is the treasure we must be aiming for. When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus Christ responded in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ God must be first in order for everything else in our lives to work. When we love Him the way we should, we will have all we need to love from a place of strength, courage, faith, and wisdom.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Is Much More Than You Think”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! 

Run Towards the Light, and Never Look Back

Isaiah 40:29(NLT)
He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.”

“I’m to blame. It’s all my fault. My life is a mess!” This is what we say to ourselves sometimes. It’s negative self-talk. We need to let it go, so we can forgive ourselves and be healed through Jesus Christ!

Admittedly, running away is not always the best answer, but sometimes it is the only solution that will keep you and your family safe. For me personally, getting away from an abusive husband was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to tackle. I didn’t think I had the strength to do it, and I had no clue how I’d make it; but I don’t regret for one second my decision to run away from darkness. It’s the advice I would give any person facing domestic violence and abuse, to run towards the light and never look back.

I don’t proclaim to know it all, but I do know that God never meant for any of His children to be subjected to pain and abuse on any level. He tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4-5(NLT), “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” It’s wonderful that our Heavenly Father has placed this wisdom in His Word for us. Loving others with a Christ-kind of love is God’s goal for every person, because this is a love that is real and true. We don’t have to speculate as to how a Godkind of love should operate. We have the definitive Word on the subject from our Heavenly Father.

1John 4:8 tells us that anyone that doesn’t love does not know God, because He is love. God doesn’t punish us. He’s loving, kind, and gentle. That’s His nature, and because we are His children, this should be our nature as well. 1John 1:5(NLT) tells us, “This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.”Our God is light, and we can run into His loving arms. He will rescue and protect us because He tells us in Isaiah 40:29 that He will give power to those that are weak, and He will give strength to those that are powerless. This includes every person on the planet, because whether we want to admit it or not, we are all weak and powerless to some degree, and we desperately need His help. He is so gracious and merciful, and He is willing to help us.

Those who want to control us also want to steal our power. They want us to continue feeling low and powerless, but we don’t have to succumb to this. Instead, we must put our trust and faith in God. We want so desperately to believe that the person that confesses to love us will not continue to hurt us. We go back to them time and time again, but we need to wake up and stop taking the abuser’s word over God’s Word. No one can love and protect us like Heavenly Father, and He deserves our trust, and He never fails.

No matter how you slice it, abuse is not love. It is a way for the devil to steal your power by using someone close to you. Instead of giving your power to the enemy, use your strength to get to a safe place emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically, so you can do what is best for you and for those who lean on you for support. Run towards the light of God’s love and power, and never look back. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Run Towards the Light, and Never Look Back”, written by KYada, edited by Fran for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A Life Filled with Love, Light, and Other Good Stuff

The Bible is a spiritual book for God’s spiritual people. If a person doesn’t believe that everything is spiritual and that they are spiritual beings, they probably won’t be too interested in hearing what God says. They either will concoct their own theories about life and living or adopt the philosophies of others. The path that many have chosen is to place their intelligence in the forefront and to try to neglect, undermine, or contradict the unmatched intelligence of our Creator. He tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9(NLT), “8 My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Heavenly Father’s thoughts are exponentially higher than ours, and we can be so easily deceived into thinking our way is right, when it is completely opposite of the mind of Christ. It’s important that we confront this, because in order to have God’s peace, joy, love, and power, we must allow for the reality that we may need to change the way we think.

Folks are complaining like never before. They are upset with people they feel have done them wrong, they’re upset with the systems of the world, and truth be told, they are upset with themselves. Nothing is meeting their expectations, and they want to put the blame on God, when they haven’t done as God has commanded. Heavenly Father tells us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Learning God’s Will for our lives is the key that opens the door to love, light, and all the other good stuff that He’s made available to us through Jesus Christ.

The choice to change the way we think is ever before us. God didn’t create us to be robots that followed His every command automatically. If that is what He had wanted, He would have created us to be just that. Our Heavenly Father wanted a family, and He created us in His image. Genesis 1:27(NLT) says, “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” God created us to be self-governing, like Him. We decide who we’re going to serve and what we’re going to do, but make no mistake, our identity has already been established by God. No matter our choices, we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience, and earth is very definitely a temporary sojourn.

While we’re here, serving one another is integral to our purpose, and we’re to achieve this purpose in the unity, love, and compassion of Jesus Christ. This is “Faith Basics-101”. Living out our purpose in service to God and in service to His people is “God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” This is the path He has set for all His children. God’s kids are supposed to operate this way, because serving others is the way HE operates. Jesus Christ demonstrated this in his life, ministry, and sacrifice. His example leads the way to the Father and lays the path of our destinies before us.

Jesus said in John 14:6(NLT), “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” I am completely and utterly over the moon with what Jesus Christ said in John 14:6. My biological father had issues—serious ones. He was a poor example of how a father should behave, and he did not model love, compassion, and generosity before mine and my sibling’s eyes. His addictions got in the way of him behaving as a good father should, but I can tell you very straightforwardly that if anyone had tried to come against my father in any way, I would have tried my best to make sure they never tried it again. I would have done my best to protect him, even as a child. If I felt this way about a poor example of a father, imagine how Jesus feels about an excellent One. God doesn’t need protection, but He demands holiness. It’s what He deserves. Anything glorious deserves glory, and there is none more glorious and holy than the One True God.

Through Jesus Christ, we are made righteous, we are made fit to stand before God with no sense of guilt, sin, or condemnation. Jesus accomplished this for us on the cross, and his way is the only way to connect to the Source of all good things. Romans 8:29(NLT) says, “For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” We were created to be God’s children, and Jesus Christ has perfectly modeled for us what God’s kids should do—how we should behave, think, and govern ourselves in this world. As our Big Brother, Jesus Christ desires to guide each of us in a way that we become what we were always meant to be. This is our destiny. It wasn’t, nor could it be, determined by us. God knew us in advance, and He has already chosen us to be like our Big Brother, because our Big Brother embodies all that God is in human form.

If I tried to mow my lawn with a vacuum cleaner, I will probably be dissatisfied with the results. The same can be said when we try to live our lives outside of the purpose for which they were created. We are dissatisfied with the results. We were never intended to live disconnected from the Source of all life. We are spiritual beings having an earth experience, and the key to maximizing life is to lead it through God’s love. Most of us have our own ideas about how to accomplish this, but God warns us not to leave it to speculation.

We must not let the worries and enticement of the world choke the Word out of our minds and hearts. Ephesians 4:21-24(NLT) tells us, “Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” Our responsibility is to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, to change the way we think so that we walk in God’s love and align ourselves with our purpose for being on this earth. This is the way to live a life filled with love, light, and all the other good stuff that comes from above.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Life Filled with Love, Light, and Other Good Stuff”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

What Could Be Better Than This?

I met a very successful investment banker that is also a very faithful member of his church. Not long ago, I had a conversation with this man, and he was not exactly what I would call pleasant. I was shocked by this. Understandably, his demeanor was in part shaped and molded by years of being a consummate and confident professional, and no doubt that in some instances he was very much catered to, but I thought the example of Christ should have been more apparent in his manner. My expectation was that some element of the deep compassion, understanding, and grace of our Lord and Savior would squeak through his unfriendly exterior. Ahh, that didn’t happen. Even a casual conversation didn’t escape his condescending tone, and he claims to have been in the faith a mighty long time. What happened?

In contrast to this man’s stern exterior, I have met people that love Christ so much that his essence just oozes from their pores. They make you wonder how such beautiful people can remain that way in this harsh and cruel world. I love the Lord with all that is within me, but honey, there are some things that, if you rub me the wrong way, it’s a struggle. I have to bite my tongue and perform all kinds of internal contortions to keep myself from ripping someone to shreds with my words. Oh yeah, I can do that. It’s one of the skills you pick up from all that repressed anger resulting from domestic violence and abuse.

I’ve learned the hard way that we really must practice the spiritual and intelligent discipline of pausing to think before we speak. Our words are creative. They form a framework for our futures. God’s Word puts it this way in Proverbs 18:21(KJV), “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Our words are constantly and consistently giving birth to the big three Cs, consequences, conditions, and circumstances. Most of us are in the habit of putting all kinds of stuff out there without giving any thought of how that stuff will come back to us. The truth is that everything we bring forth in the form of thoughts, words, and deeds is a representation of who we are. God designed life to be a mirror. It is always going to reflect our thoughts, words, and deeds back at us.

1John 4:16(NLT) says, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” This is a beautiful verse indeed. We could attempt to explore its width and depth ten million years, and still not reach the end of its truth. Heavenly Father is not mean or angry. When He looks at Himself, love is reflected back at Him. Perfection is His reflection; therefore, He is deliriously happy within Himself, His Son, and His Holy Spirit. All the good stuff—every happiness, every blessing, every power, and every ounce of love is contained within God. With open arms, He invites us to come into Him through Christ. Our invitation isn’t merely to have a seat at His table, it is to share sonship through our Lord, Savior, and Big Brother, Jesus Christ.

The passage of Psalm 91:1-4(NLT) says, “1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. 3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. 4 He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”  Inside God’s love, there’s blessings and intimacy with Him. Traveling outside the lane of God’s love, there’s confusion, darkness, and chaos. It can make us very bitter, and this bitterness leads to yucky stuff like resenting, disrespecting, and treating others poorly. We are often surprised by how this stuff comes back to us, but we shouldn’t be. Even some who say they believe in the Lord Jesus Christ are still traveling in the wrong lane. The banker seemed to be in that wrong lane. He felt comfortable only giving himself over to the franchise of money, but not to the total surrender that God requires.

It doesn’t matter how much money we have in the bank, if demonstrating God’s love through the example of Christ in the greatest way possible isn’t our goal, we’re lost, and the temporary pleasures on earth are the only ones we’ll have. God has something infinitely better in mind for our lives.

God’s love is the creative force behind everything good and lasting. Love does its most perfect work when we think, speak, feel, and live God’s love.  His love prepares us! It makes us fit into the glorious plans He has for us, not just for this life, but for eternity. Hebrews 5:9(NLT) tells us, “And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him.” Jesus Christ is perfect, and he became for us the source of eternality. He’s given us the gift of salvation, and with this is the gift of being with Heavenly Father in Christ forever. Those who cling to money and worldly pleasures also base the root of their identity in the pursuit of those things. For them, eternity is not viewed in the glory of its light; it is just another acquisition. But for those who walk in the Spirit, eternity represents a never-ending expansion in which they become in Christ all they were meant by God to be from the very beginning. It is the joy of leaving an everlasting legacy of love that continues creating out of God’s love for an eternity. This is what happens when we make the moment by moment choice to speak, think, act, and move through God’s love. What could be better than this?!■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“What Could Be Better Than This?”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

How to say “NO” Without Getting Physically Hurt

One of the worse noises in life is the sound of a human body being repeatedly thrown against a hard surface. Words can’t describe how disturbing this noise is, and when you grow up hearing it frequently, it becomes an expected and terrifying alarm. Nighttime is not sweet dreams, bedtime stories, and lullabies. Instead, you’re constantly on alert, never sleeping soundly and always primed for the abuse of verbal attacks. Some sense of relief came if it were just the verbal abuse, but even then, I had to be ready to step in the middle of a physical battle at a moment’s notice. Now far removed from the threatening circumstances of that abusive reality, the remnants of the trauma are still with me. They are ongoing reminders to guard my heart and renew my mind to God’s peace. Through the Lord’s grace, I do all that I can to protect the serenity and calmness He has taught me, but honestly, it has taken me a very long time to give “no” it’s rightful place in my life.

“NO!” can save a life or help to preserve one. It’s serious business, and this is by no means a lesson on the right time to say it. That is solely left to an individual to decide for themselves and use their judgment about what is or isn’t an eminent threat of danger. What this is, however, is my account and what I believe to be the scriptural and spiritual foundation that anchors my courage and confidence to say “no” even today. Many people that have lived in abusive homes grow up believing they have no right or authority to say “no” to abuse and expect it to stick. They accept whatever comes their way, and their judgment has not been vetted through the scrutiny of self-worth. That was certainly my experience.   

Ephesians 6:12(NLT) says, “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” When I learned about this verse in my teen years, it was literally a game changer for me. In general, I’m motivated in life by the truth of spiritual knowledge. It is my greatest hunger, and I subscribe wholeheartedly to the reality that the right knowledge will position any person to exercise power.

As a teen, I didn’t understand why the person that had caused so much pain didn’t regard me as someone they were forbidden to hurt? Why was my childhood prematurely chiseled away? The answer to these questions lies in the spiritual realm, not in the natural realm. Everything that we see with our physical eyes is temporary, and everything we see was made of things we can’t see. Hebrews 11:3(NLT) tells us, “Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.” I had battled a physical enemy for many years, and even though I grew in physical strength as I aged, my physical strength was no match for his. But spiritually, this was not the case.

As I gained spiritual knowledge, I also gained spiritual strength. Boy did this make the devil mad, because I had exposed the lie that he wanted me to believe—the lie that I was powerless and had to continue being his punching bag. My faith in Christ unleashed God’s power in my life, and he began to do some amazing things. I had always been terrified to talk back, but the Spirit of Christ within me gave me a boldness I had never known. The truth had given me understanding, and my spiritual eyes were open. I realized that I was not fighting against a flesh and blood enemy, but the evil at work within him.

We are often tempted to take full credit for miraculous demonstrations of courage, but I am not tempted at all by that notion. On the day that I said “NO!” I was as desperate for answers and rescue as I had always been. It could have gone in a completely different direction were it not for my faith in the power of Jesus Christ. I witnessed it with my own two eyes, the person that had been my oppressor for years was muzzled and bound by a chain and restraint invisible to human eyes. He could not move against me, and although I couldn’t see the force that held him, I felt it in every way.

It amazes me even till this day, but I am under no illusions about what happened. A person cannot rise above what they don’t know or haven’t been taught. I sought the Lord, spent hours in prayer, and made Him the center of my existence. I believed 2Corinthians 3:17, “Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” I accepted His liberty with all that was in me, and He backed my “NO!” I believe He will do this for anyone that dares to trust wholeheartedly in His awesome love and power.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“How to say “NO” Without Getting Physically Hurt”, written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

God Is Validating the REAL You!

Do you feel honored, valued, appreciated, and loved by others? Do you feel as though people know the real you—the ‘you’ that you believe yourself to be at the deepest level? We all want validation from those we care about, but the truth is that it doesn’t come that often. I will venture to say that there are more people that feel undervalued and unappreciated than those that feel valued and appreciated. This doesn’t paint a very pretty picture I know, but so many of us feel as though we’re doing all the right things, yet it doesn’t appear we’re being rewarded. Well, God has something to say about this, and if we’ll open our hearts to receive it, I believe that it will make all the difference in the world.

I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a young woman that is very disillusioned with life. She was raised with parents that love the Lord, and she doesn’t remember a time when their lives didn’t revolve around their faith. She told me she does all the things that she believes a Christian should do—reading God’s Word and praying often, but something doesn’t feel the same she said. She’s reached a point in her spiritual walk where she feels depleted—like no person or thing can fill up her empty spaces. She has feelings of hopelessness and is emotionally exhausted.

Back in the day, and in many churches today as well, the diagnosis would be one of judgment and perhaps not one of compassion and spiritual maturity. We can’t get it twisted, we live in complicated times and the enemy is busier than ever. There are a multitude of darts aimed at our direction, and they are aimed at various and important areas of our existences. Sometimes we are attacked on all fronts. Someone or something at the job is weighing heavy on our minds; boyfriend or girlfriend ain’t acting right, and maybe a family member or friend is not providing the support and care you expect. When you add financial instability, environmental craziness, and the state of the world today in this mix, becoming weighted down emotionally is a very real possibility.

Jesus Christ has told us to cast our every care upon him, and most Christians know this passage in the bible. It’s Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT): 28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Many of us do this. We give our burdens to Jesus Christ because we know the awesomeness of his power, and initially we trust him, but many of us take our burdens back. There are a couple of reasons why we do a take-back and why our commitment to surrender, release, and let it go doesn’t stick. I’d like to put a few out there for your consideration.

Lack of Prep for the Next Phase
Like the young lady I mentioned, many of us have been on this journey a while, and we know that God requires a commitment to His Word. In our minds we might be doing all the right things, but this doesn’t always mean that we’re growing spiritually. A routine can turn into inflexibility in a hot minute. It can lock us into habit patterns that work for a season, but what about God’s plans to take us higher now and in the future? Heavenly Father created life to be dynamic when it comes to spiritual growth. In this arena, stagnation is a minus and not a plus. When our spirit has received the message it’s time to go higher, but our soul is not in a listening mood, the disharmony gets translated to our hearts and minds as feeling bad. Surrendering to the reality that God wants us to cling more tightly to Him and that it’s time to move up, this will prepare us for the next phase of our spiritual journey. Praying for guidance through His preparation process will aid us tremendously.

A Misleading Need for Emotional Validation
Heighten emotions of praise and thankfulness are such a big part of the way we worship and experience God. But some us have developed a kind of dependency on emotions, and we start to trust our emotions more than we trust what God says. We have to switch that around. Our emotions should follow what God says. In other words, when we turn our dials all the way up to believing and trusting God, we might not feel like skipping through fields of daisies, but we have to trust Him anyway. The skipping will follow.

Looking to the Wrong Source
Validation is part of the soul’s appetite. All of us will seek it because it’s part of being human, but the source of our validation is monumentally important. Many of us sense this big hole inside, and it just feels awful sometimes. So, what do we do? We try to fill it. We seek to feed our souls validation from those we love, admire, and support. The trouble with this is that their food is not eternal, and it can’t affirm the truth of who we are and who we’re meant to be. So, if we’re looking to feast on any other source than Heavenly Father, we will be in a constant state of soul-starvation. This is where many of us are right now.

The soul can only be as fulfilled and whole as its most hearty and healthiest meal. When we understand this, the words of Jesus Christ in Matthew 4:4(NKJV) magnify exponentially. After fasting forty days and nights, he was tempted by the devil to turn stones into bread. He responded to the devil’s temptation with “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. ” The eternal wisdom, counsel, and promises of God’s Word is the food our souls were meant to eat. The psalmist lays out God’s spiritual menu in Psalm 34:8(NLT). He tells us, “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!”

God knows us intimately. He knows the REAL you better that you can ever know yourself. When we’re depleted in our inner beings because our souls are starving spiritually, God can give us what we need. He has the very best medicine, and He knows exactly where to administer it. We are spiritual beings, created to thrive from spiritual nourishment. When we’re feeling depleted, devalued, and low, we need not cling to what worked in the past. God’s resources are infinite, and He loves to help us tap into His treasures. Let’s be good to ourselves and surrender totally to Him. Let’s be willing to release the things that hold us back so we can make room for the things that propel us forward. Then, we will be prepared for the next level of spiritual growth. As we feast on His Word, we’ll learn to trust the Lord in a greater way, and He will validate our souls and keep us continually satisfied.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“God Is Validating the REAL You!” written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Better and Not Bitter

I got out of a relationship with someone that I thought was a really good guy. He loved the Lord, preached on Sunday at times and was a really good father to his children. We loved each other but after about a year together, the relationship took a turn. His love became painful. If he called and couldn’t reach me, his insecurity would rear its ugly head. It wasn’t apparent at first, but as the relationship progressed, I saw that he handled his own pain through manipulation and playing mind games. I was just not willing to remain in a place where hurt and pain became the constant, and love took a backseat.

I left this man, and it was indeed a difficult break-up. I was truly committed to him and the relationship. It took months before I could even think about him without shedding a tear, but I endured the pain, because I’ve lived long enough to know that trouble doesn’t last always. When we face heartache and trouble, God tells us exactly how to handle it. In Romans 12:12(NLT), His Word says, “Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Instead of letting myself become bitter, I followed the Lord’s commandment.

As I busied myself, going on with my life, I happened to see this man in passing one day, and before I knew it, I had given him a smile. It was not forced or fake but came from a place that the love of God had created in me. He emailed me and said he was so happy to see me, but he said he was even more happy to see the smile I had given him. He thought I hated him.

James 1:2-4(NLT) tells us, “2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” God wants us to get to a place where we are not dependent on a person to do for us what only God can do. Heavenly Father is the Source of our joy, not a person.

If a relationship is harming us, it’s harming our relationship with God. He will give us the strength to let it go. One thing I know to be true, time causes us to forget some wounds, but only the love of God can truly heal them. Just as 1John 4:11 tells us, because of God’s love for us, we should be able to love one another. Even if we want to hold a grudge or be angry for a lifetime, our growth in the Spirit of Christ will not allow us to do this. We can let go and be better and not bitter, and we’ll be so much stronger for it.

Pray and ask God to give you a new heart, and let His love blanket all your pain, as only He can.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Better and Not Bitter” written by KYada, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A Hero’s Blindspot

The women I grew up around were warriors in my eyes. They were not champions of academia, didn’t have loads of money by any stretch of the imagination, and not all of them would measure up to what we consider to be spiritual veterans of today. They were the ‘least of these’, women that were incredibly humble, fiercely determined, and in many cases, fantastically resourceful; they had to be. Survival depended on their ability to take what most consider to be nothing and turn it into something that added beauty, comfort, and sustenance not just to their lives, but the lives of their families. I will always consider them heroes, but like most heroes, they had a blindspot. It was the very thing that ultimately broke their spirits and left their souls depleted of all life’s joy.

Love is our life’s work. A person can run a billion-dollar company, go to the moon and back, or entertain millions with their talent and abilities, but if love has not been their motivation, their accomplishments will have been in vain. 1Corinithians 13:2-3(NIV) tells us, “If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.” This is profound wisdom. It is the machinery of life, and it is a truth that can never be refuted no matter how much we might try. Everything that we do will be judged on whether love was purely and solely our motivation.

Talking about love immediately summons imagery of ooey gooey feelings, but this isn’t the love 1Corinithians 13:2-3 is referring to. Most of us associate love with feelings, but if love’s work was dependent only on how we felt, very little could be accomplished. God is our Father. John 3:16 tells us God so loved everyone in the world that He gave them the most precious gift He owned, which is His only begotten Son. He paid the highest price that could be paid. Why? John 3:16 tells us why. He did so that everyone that believes in His Son will not perish but will have eternal life. His love for everyone knows no boundaries, and He didn’t just talk the talk so to speak, He walked the walk. He demonstrated His unfailing love for us all.

Jesus Christ said in John 15:13(KJV), “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” We are the friends he’s referring to. If you don’t believe in the value of the life of Christ, you will not have the heart depth to be grateful for his sacrifice. In truth, there is nothing that exists in all of eternity with the capacity to measure what Christ gave up, and what he accomplished on the cross. Nothing can compare with the suffering he endured. Philippians 2:8(NLT) says, “he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” The suffering he took on was the suffering humanity deserved for its rebellion against God, and although Christ died over two thousand years ago, humanity is still rebelling.

The value of a treasure is recognized by the price that is paid to acquire it. The highest price was paid for our souls, and by this we can know a little bit about the value God has assigned to them. He treasures us. When we live in such a way that we honor God with the gift of life that He has given us, and we demonstrate our gratitude by celebrating it the way that He does, we are no longer blind. It is through this lens of God’s love that love’s work begins.  

My beloved heroes loved the Lord, but they didn’t realize the beauty of the destiny He had for them. They allowed the men that were used by satan to keep them blinded to their worth. Through the domestic violence and abuse that was afflicted on them, their voices were silenced, their opinions were belittled, and any attempt to be strengthened in confidence and faith was brutally attacked. It is impossible to rise above that which we do not know or haven’t been taught. We can only rise to the level of which we are willing to believe in our worth.

Heavenly Father is our Creator. He is the only One that can assign our value. No other human being has that right. Jesus Christ lives within us, and God tells us that we are the hope of his glory. The suffering of domestic violence and abuse can make a hero a victim, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. You don’t have to settle for scarcely getting by. You don’t have to stand by as someone maliciously tries to dismantle the hope that is in your soul. You can begin to change the way you think about yourself. You can recognize that you’ve underestimated your ability to capture your destiny and carry it out through the Father’s love. Trust God wholeheartedly through Jesus Christ. It’s how you demonstrate that your eyes are open to the glory of all He’s created you to be. God will continue to light the way as you honor the worth of the life that He’s given you, and only make room for those who do the same. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“A Hero’s Blindspot”,  written by Fran, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!