Tag Archives: Spiritual Encouragement for Victims of Abuse

Hope Will Not Put Us to Shame

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 Romans 5:3-5(ESV)
“3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

 “This is a tough one for me – I’ve never been alone and Kevin’s decision to leave me
and the kids still doesn’t seem real to me.”

In my spirit, I felt that my friend Gwen was going through something. We’d usually talk at least twice a month, but it had been a while since we last spoke. I’d called her a few times and sent a couple of text messages, and it took a while for her to respond. When she did, her responses were brief, and that wasn’t like her. Gwen and Kevin had been married for twelve years, and the last two years had been tough. One of their kids has autism, and Gwen didn’t think Kevin was as supportive as he should have been. On a Saturday afternoon, my doorbell rang, and there stood Gwen. She stopped by on her way to her mother’s house and said she wanted to see me in person instead of telling me about her news over the phone. “He left me and the kids!” She belted out and fell into my arms as they seem to automatically move to embrace her.

Romans 5:3 says that we rejoice in our sufferings because they produce endurance. Endurance is a quality that is necessary to run this race of life that God has set before us, but when we’re going through something like Gwen, endurance may not be all that appealing. In fact, it’s probably the last thing any of us would want to think about. As a parent with mouths to feed, your mind is inundated with thoughts about how you’re going to support your kids and get from point A to point B. The thing we must recognize is that endurance is the ability that allows us to do that. It helps us to move ourselves out of heartbreak and into a place of resilience and strength. Endurance goes hand in hand with faith and hope, because even though things may look troubling, our faith in God sustains us and carries us through.

Psalm 95:6-7(NLT) says, “6 Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the LORD our maker, 7 for he is our God. We are the people he watches over, the flock under his care. If only you would listen to his voice today!” When our minds are racing with anxiety and worry, most of us don’t listen, but we should. We should listen to the truth that God tells us in His Word about His power, love, peace, and comfort. He is worthy to be praised and our gratitude for all He has done for us should prompt us to pay attention to His promise to help us. It is an extraordinary privilege to worship God and to do the things that please Him, but some of us have an accurate image of our Heavenly Father in our minds and hearts. Because of this, we can allow the difficulties of life to make us become emotionally detached from Him. Whether we know it or not, this is a deeper pain than any heartbreak or abandonment caused by a mere human being.

When we’re broken, and have others depending on us, we need the kind of comfort and assurance that only the Lord can give. God leads, guides, and directs us into the kind of life that pleases Him and fulfills us as well. He is our Shepherd, Refuge, and Maker. We’re His people and He has promised to take care of us. He allows us to rest in green pastures and leads us beside peaceful waters. He, and He alone, restores our souls and lead us in the paths of righteousness. We need to remember this when we’re faced with devastating loss.

No matter how damaged we are, God is forever and always our Shepherd. He said in Malachi 3:6(NKJV), “For I am the LORD, I do not change;” Titus 1:2 tells us that He cannot lie. He wants us to lean on Him because He has all power in His hands, and He is willing and able to help us. We must also be clear that we have a part to play as well. We must shift our false beliefs and thoughts away from defeat and self-punishment and allow God’s perfect love to cast out all our fear and anxiety. All the traumas and heartaches we endure will reveal some patterns of behavior that we need to release. They need to be removed from our lives, so God’s love has greater room to move and restore.

Psalm 146:5(NLT) says, “But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the LORD their God.” Our hope in God will not bring us shame. It will bring us victory, restoration, and renewal! Our hope in God will give us the strength to learn from our past mistakes and take back our power to love better and make better choices. We do not have to be held captive by the pain we’ve endured. We must be committed to ask for God’s forgiveness for all our sins. We must pray for wisdom and understanding, and we must pray and apply the blood of Jesus Christ in those areas in our lives where we need healing and deliverance. Although our hard times are unexpected and painful, God has something much brighter and better for us if we remain hopeful, keep our faith in Him, and focus our eyes on His love and power.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

 “Hope Will Not Put Us to Shame”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

A Stronghold in Times of Trouble

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Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Why am I in this situation? How in the world did I get here? While I was married to my husband, I asked myself these questions almost every day, but when we began the relationship, things weren’t as bad as they had become.  When we first started dating, he was kind, generous, and he always put me first. Our courtship lasted a year and then we got married. Of course, the first month was an adjustment period. We both had pretty established lives before we got married; our own places, good job security, and financial stability. I didn’t think the few disagreements after we moved in together were unusual, but after six months, small disagreements turned into days of not speaking to one another. I never believed I was the kind of woman to disrespect myself or my man, but his mental and emotional abuse was too much. It brought out things in me that I never knew existed, and I was at the lowest point of my life.

Every day, there are women going through the same things I did. Some are experiencing much more dangerous situations than disrespectful name calling and a hard shove here and there. The thing that becomes very clear to anyone in an abusive relationship is that once a certain level of respect is lost, things spiral down a dark hole very quickly. It seemed that my husband and I were almost near the bottom. It felt impossible that he would make a change and begin to honor me. Too many horrible things had been said and done. The treatment was indeed the bottom of the barrel, and I felt the only thing I could do was brace myself for more pain.

I started to struggle in my faith and doubt God’s love for me. I felt abandoned not only by my husband, but by God as well. “If God will allow this hurt and pain then what do I have left?” I asked myself. 2Corinthians 13:5(NIV) gives us the reality check that answers some of the most challenging questions of life, like the ones I had as I struggled to come to terms with my life. It tells us, “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.” When things are going well, most of us never question whether we are living by faith the way that God commands us to, but when life goes sideways, we choose the route that most do, which is to blame God for the conditions we’re facing.

Some will even think that God is punishing them and that they must endure the hardship and suffer. They erroneously think that this is what God wants. He doesn’t. In John 10:10(NKJV), Jesus Christ tells us what God wants for every person. He said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” God wants us to have a more than abundant life, and He sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to make this kind of life available to everyone.

God will help us during the most difficult times of our lives. Psalm 9:9 (ESV) tells us, “The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” When our faith is not where it should be and we are not putting all our trust in God, He still helps us, but we need to know that His Will is that we learn to walk by faith in a greater way. God doesn’t want to be at the same level of faith from year to year. Colossians 2:6-7 tells us that He desires us to be rooted and built up in Christ, and we are to be established and going higher in faith in Him. God wants us to follow His Word so that we avoid relationships that will not yield the kind of love and support He wants His daughters to receive from their spouses. Having faith in God means that we believe it is possible to love and be loved according to the example of Christ.

Ephesians 5:25-28 (NIV) says, “25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” This is God’s standard. Of course, a wife must be equally as loving, kind, and respectful of her husband, but as women, we must know that God’s Will is for us to be loved and supported to this degree.

We must have faith that God is our stronghold in any condition and in every situation. Even when things seem impossible, Romans 8:28 tells us that He can turn them around and cause them to work together for our good, but we must be clear that He doesn’t want us to be mistreated just as He doesn’t want us to mistreat anyone either. It’s going to be necessary for us to hold up a mirror and examine ourselves. Self-reflection and being accountable to following the example of Christ is the best tool for anyone interested in living their best life.

Most of us spend our lives doing exactly what we want to do. Before we made consequential choices and decisions, we didn’t think to ask for God’s counsel or permission, and this method of approaching life will not yield the results we hope. Part of growing in faith is changing the way we think as we also pray for God’s guidance and direction. We also must develop a deeper well of love so that we are spiritually prepared to love others according to the example of Christ. Ephesians 4:32 teaches us that we are to be kind and forgive one another. This level of love for Jesus Christ and love and compassion for others is required to please God. It should be in our hearts way before we consider marriage. When it is, we will be better able to recognize and discern if a man does or doesn’t have the capacity to love us in the way that Christ does. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

 “A Stronghold in Times of Trouble”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

You Are a Victor Not a Victim

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Micah 7:7-8 (NLT)
“As for me, I look to the LORD for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.  Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again.  Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.”

Hebrews 13:8 tells us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He doesn’t have to change because he is perfect, and his love knows no boundaries. We, on the other hand, are works-in-progress. Change is the nature of our existence. God tells us in Ephesians 4:23 that our minds must be renewed. This means that we must change the way we think so that our thoughts line up with the thoughts of Jesus Christ. Learning information and behaviors is also a big part of what we humans do, and some of the information and behaviors we pick up along the way are the opposite of the thoughts and example of Christ. As we grow into adults, we discover that much of what we’ve picked up isn’t good for our souls. It is hurting us, and doing so big time, but some of us still will not change. That’s a problem.

The Word of God teaches us to live differently, not for the sake of simply doing so, but because changing the way we think, live, and behave according to the example of Jesus Christ will help us to be who God created us to be. That’s a really big deal, the biggest as a matter of truth. 2Timothy 3:16(NLT) tells us, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” Our lives are not meant to be one big ball of confusion; they are supposed to make sense. The lens for making sense and for progress will always and forever be what God says, not what we or others say.

One of our biggest problems is that we try to set up our own systems of what is best for us, and that will lead us down an endless rabbit hole of darkness. God tells us in Proverbs 3:5(NLT) to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” He tells us this because He knows that most of us believe we can depend on our own understanding and be just fine. That’s not the case. We were created by our Heavenly Father to have an intimate relationship with Him. He made us in His image, and He knows what is necessary for our lives to flourish with wholeness, love, and joy. He tells us in Proverbs 3:5 to trust that, to trust Him with all that we are.

God also tells us in Proverbs 3:7 that we should not be impressed with our own wisdom, but instead we should turn from those things that do not please Him. This turning from things that displease Him is very challenging for some of us. We are sometimes overwhelmed by the circumstances of our lives, and we feel stuck, with no way to cope or bring about the change we desperately need. Everything around us seems to be moving at a shocking speed, but we’re feeling more isolated, sad, and immobile than we ever have.

Contemplating change in the middle of that can be daunting, but to help ourselves, we must give change some serious thought. The temptation to stay in or go back to the familiar is the struggle that blindsides our desire for happiness and wholeness, and the introduction of new patterns and behaviors is immediately rejected by a lot of us. We’re dug-in, even with abuse.

In 1Timothy 6:12(ESV), the Apostle Paul encourages us to “Fight the good fight of the faith.” He makes it clear to us that getting our minds and hearts on board with faith in Jesus Christ is a fight, but it’s a good fight. It’s the best fight in life. We all have our crosses to bear. We all have baggage that we are struggling to release. The thing we must recognize is that releasing the baggage is the goal, and God expects us to achieve it. He doesn’t abandon us in the fight, He helps us to win it!

That’s the mindset that moves us from victim to victor. It’s recognizing that God expects us to have the release, freedom, and victory in Christ always on our minds, and He expects us to believe these are available and possible for us. Philippians 4:6-7(NLT) tells us, “6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” The solution is not to try and carry the load ourselves. It’s to recognize that we can relinquish control and give everything to God in faith.

Let’s pray continually to remain flexible to God’s will and plan for our individual lives. His plan is a far better one than you and I can ever produce. Most importantly, let Jesus Christ take the wheel and be in the driver’s seat of your life. He is Lord! Truly believe this and let him build you up by learning about him through God’s Word. This will open your heart and mind to the changes you need to make. Then, with a thankful heart, have faith that he will lead you to victory and success as you walk in his peace everyday of your life.■

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“You Are a Victor Not a Victim”,  written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Give God Room to Move

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James 1:2-4(NLT)
“2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”

I’ve been on this Christian journey for many years, and I’ve seen and heard many stories from women that have endured horrific and destructive relationships. Looking from the outside, you’d never suspect that some of them have a care in the world. From high-earning professionals and professors to stay-at-home moms and Sunday-school teachers, women from all walks of life and varied backgrounds have smiles on their faces, but deep wounds in their souls. They try desperately to keep their tragic and abusive home life a secret, and no one knows the level of abuse they’re enduring. God gave the life of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that no one would have to live a life of pain. Healing is introduced in our lives as soon as we choose to believe this.

Psalm 62:8(ESV) tells us, “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.” Our Heavenly Father is our safe place. This is the truth, but when we’ve been battered by life, it is sometimes challenging to fit those healing Words into the places that have been blocked by our pain. We can’t imagine the journey from victim to overcomer, and that through Christ we can actually move ourselves to healing and wholeness. The healing process isn’t easy, but it isn’t nearly as gut wrenching as living in fear, and the rewards are far greater than anything we can imagine. We’re never alone. Jesus Christ is with us every step of the way, and if we lean on his strength, Philippians 4:13 tells that he will empower us to do all things.

There are many misconceptions about domestic violence, and what constitutes an abusive situation or relationship. This has caused some that are being abused to be in denial about it. We can be tricked by our need to understand and empathize with the abuser, and this can push us deeper into the cycle of abuse. It’s not just physical. Abuse comes in different forms. It can be psychological, emotional, sexual, financial, and stalking as well. So, it isn’t always physical, but it is always about control and trying to steal someone’s power through manipulation, coercion, or other threatening behaviors.

It is common for the person being abused to blame themselves, but they are not to blame, and releasing the shame is a pivotal step towards healing. For some, abuse was present in their homes growing up, and for others it was completely foreign. No matter how abuse came to be introduced into a person’s life, it can ravage the mind, heart, and soul. God’s healing is necessary for restoration and repair, but we have to give Him space to move. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t want us experiencing any type of abuse. He wants you to experience the beauty and depth of His love, power, and strength, but these beauties come by faith in Him. We simply must trust God and believe that He will come to our aid.  

Some aspect of difficulties and painful circumstances are facts of life for everyone. We all have baggage to unload and issues to work through, but God didn’t create life to be a series of painful experiences. He gave us life to enjoy our relationship with Him. Jesus Christ said in John 10:10(NKJV), “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have [it] more abundantly.” In this verse, Jesus makes us aware that we have an enemy, and this enemy is in the earth to steal, kill, and destroy. Our precious Lord and Savior came to the earth to deliver us from oppression and darkness, and to give us a more than abundant life. This is a life where we experience his wholeness and completeness every day that we are given.

An abusive relationship can seem like an emotional roller-coaster that never slows down long enough for you to get off. Our Heavenly Father is not unfeeling. He knows what we’re going through, and He wants to help us. To give Him room to move, we must meet God with a mind and heart that is hopeful towards Him and invested in the reality that He has all power in His hands. Colossians 3:10(NLT) tells us to “Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.” We must be willing to release some of the old things that keep us drenched in a painful existence, and we must make our minds new with hope and faith in God. This gives Him room to move in our situations so that we can get off the roller-coaster of pain and begin to enjoy the freedom of living the life that He wants us to have. ■

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Give God Room to Move”,  written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Strength in Times of Uncertainty

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Psalm 23:4-5(NLT)
“4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.”

God tells us in His Word to be wise and have spiritual discernment, and to achieve these by reading and studying His Word. In Hebrews 4:12, He tells us that His Word is alive! It’s sharper than a surgeon’s scalpel, or any two-edged sword. It’s so sharp, exact, and precise that it pierces through, dividing the soul and spirit, and joints and morrow. This verse goes on to tell us that God’s living Word judges the thoughts and intentions of our hearts. It lays us wide open before God, so that at any and all times, we are completely bare before Him. This is the piercing level of wisdom and knowledge that God has placed at our fingertips through His Word. He’s done this so that we will know Him in all His magnificent glory, power, and love. He’s also done this so we will comprehend and expect that He will use His power to achieve His purpose and do so profoundly in our individual lives.

Genesis 1:26 tells us that our Heavenly Father made us in His very own image. We are intelligent beings with a mind and heart that cannot be touched with human hands or seen with human eyes. We are His created spiritual beings, specifically tailored to experience an abundant life on earth. We are blessed beyond measure, because at one point in human history, people thought it was impossible to know God or to understand His thoughts. Even with all their philosophies, they missed out on Him because they had no way to know Him. All praise to our glorious Heavenly Father that this isn’t the case with those of us living today. We have His Word, and because we do, we have the keys to His Kingdom!

Our issue is that life can throw some serious curve balls our way, and sometimes it does this when we’re at our most vulnerable. God tells us in Hosea 4:6(ESV), “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge.” Because we haven’t sharpened our discernment and wisdom by reading and studying God’s Word, the enemy uses tricks and plots to deceive us. Many of us have chosen the wrong partner because of this. We connect with a person that is responding to our fears rather than choosing a person that responds to our faith. Although it may not seem like it, through Christ, we can turn our worst decision into a steppingstone for our success. We can do this through the power of the Holy Spirit.

When we give our lives to Jesus Christ and became born-again, the Holy Spirit comes to live inside us. He is a part of the Godhead. He is the Spirit of God, and God has given him to each of us as a gift. Philippians 2:13 tells us that the Spirit is working on the inside of us, giving us the desire and the effort for God’s good pleasure. However, we must know that the Holy Spirit never forces or pushes. He works only to the degree that we allow him. Because of the finished work of Jesus Christ through his sacrifice and resurrection, the Holy Spirit is here with us, and if we allow him, he will work in, with, and through us. So, the greatest thing that we can do for ourselves is to let him be at work.

Jesus Christ said in John 16:13(ESV), “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” The Spirit guides us into the truth, where liberty in Christ is found. Jesus Christ told us in John 8:32(NLT), “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” We cannot be free by believing a lie. We must know the truth of God’s Word to be free.

If we don’t know God’s Word, and we are not allowing God’s Spirit to guide us, we might walk into a trap. When this happens, our lives can send us into a dark valley very quickly. We begin to feel as though nothing can help us, but this is not the truth. Rather, it is the lie that the enemy wants us to believe so that he can continue tricking us. We have a choice. We can continue in fear and doubt, or we can trust that God is with us, that He has not left us alone, nor will He.

God’s desire is that our cup, our lives, overflow with blessings, and He has given us the gift of the Holy Spirit to help us live abundantly, but we have a part to play as well. The situations and circumstances of life can leave us feeling uncertain and afraid, but we have a friend who has all the wisdom, power, and strength we will ever need. Jesus Christ told the disciples in Acts 1:8(ESV), “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” The Holy Spirit is our friend, and he lives within us. He will help, comfort, teach, and guide us, but we must partner with him by reading and studying God’s Word.

We are not weak, as some would have us to believe. In Exodus 15:2(ESV), Moses and the children of Israel sang, “The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation;” Romans 8:31(ESV) reassures us of God’s great love and declares, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” And Philippians 4:13 tells us that we can do all things through Jesus Christ because he gives us strength. So, lets get on board with God’s Holy Spirit who dwells within us. Let him guide you out of the valley and into the truth where you can walk in God’s wisdom and have strength and confidence in times of uncertainty. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Strength in Times of Uncertainty”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

God Wants You to Think and Feel Good

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God created us to live from the inside out, which means whatever we think and whatever is living inside our hearts is going to manifest on the outside. Many of us forget this when the situations of life don’t work in our favor. We’re very quick to blame others, or to think that God is punishing us, but this is never the case. God doesn’t punish us. He has created the universe in such a way that it will give us what we give it. With each action we take, each behavior we display, each word we speak, and each thought we think, we are building our futures. With our thoughts, behaviors, confessions, and conversations, we are laying the groundwork for what is going to come back to us. That can be a blessing, or it can also be the same negative energy we put out there, and it is boomeranging at our direction with a speed and velocity we’re not going to like.

Proverbs 23:7(NKJV) says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” This verse makes the connection for us between our minds, our hearts, and the state of our existences. God tells us in His Word why it’s so important to put on the mind of Christ. Changing the way we think is vital to walking in the Spirit and living by faith. Before we knew about life in Christ or about his example from the Word of God, many of us were dissatisfied with life. Some of us were heartbroken over our relationships, and others of us were very lonely and sad. Whether it was trauma, health challenges, or financial hardship, we were desperate for help and sought the Lord. Jesus Christ invites us in Matthew 11:28 to bring our burdens to him, because he wants us to rest in him. He also wants us to learn about him so that we increase in his strength and love and become the men and women that God wants us to be.

God commands us in Romans 12:2(NLT), “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Copying the world’s customs and behaviors is what we did before we learned about Christ. Now that we have accepted the Lord into our hearts, God tells us to let Him transform us into a new person. He accomplishes our transformation as we partner with Him by changing the way we think.

Many of us have known women that gossip, talk about people, and even talk down on others because of their clothes or anything else they may not like. Friends get on the phone, and sometimes their whole conversation is about negativity and tearing other’s down. This isn’t an okay thing to do. God will not bypass it because it is a sin. There is a price to pay for it, and the person putting this negativity out there will receive it back in greater portion than their original sin.

2Corinthians 5:20(NLT) tells us “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” We represent Christ in the earth. God’s Will is that when people look at us, they see the love and light of His only begotten Son. So, we must know that God wants us to be as happy as we can possibly be. He doesn’t want us to keep setting ourselves up for failure by continuously thinking and speaking the negativity of darkness over our own lives. We must stop doing this. If a situation looks bad, don’t say what you think, say what God says. Change your thoughts to line up with the hope and faith of Jesus Christ.

God has given us His Word, His Son, and His Spirit because He wants us to live the more than abundant life that Jesus Christ talks about in John 10:10. God accomplished our salvation through the sacrifice of our precious Savior so that we could live free. Colossians 3:1-4 (NLT) says “Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” Again, God wants us to feel good all the time, and we achieve this by focusing on His goodness. We can’t feel good feelings and think good thoughts by focusing on the world. We must keep our eyes on Jesus Christ, because he’s the One who can put a smile on our faces and joy in our hearts. So, put the Word in your mind and in your heart, because God promises that it will change your life!■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“God Wants You to Think and Feel Good”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Let God Help You

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During the last couple of weeks, my daughter’s school has dedicated a lot of focus on writing skills. She’s been sent home with writing packets every day. Included is a little sticky note from the teachers, urging parents to help the child if they have difficulty by making the writing assignments fun. I kept a close eye on my daughter as she began her homework. I waited to see if she would ask for my help, but she never did. Trying to give her space to form her thoughts, I watched quietly nearby, making sure I was available to jump right in if she needed. I noticed she started to struggle a bit, so I spoke up. I offered suggestions of a few fun topics she could write about. She listened for a couple of minutes as I rolled on, but then she said, “Mom, I got it, I want to do it on my own.”

At first, I was happy that she felt confident enough to handle it on her own, but I knew that her homework assignment was more advanced than she thought, and she would not complete it as well as possible without my help. As I thought about this experience with my daughter, it made me think about our attitude sometimes when it pertains to the tests, trials, and tribulations that come our way. Life is designed to test our strengths and weaknesses, but this is nothing we should be overly concerned about, because our strength lies in the Father. As God’s children, we’ve been given authority to overcome any adversity and obstacle through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:37 tells us that we are not just conquerors, but MORE than conquerors through Christ! This foundation building truth is especially crucial for the single Christians that struggle with relationship issues. We’re in a season where couples are under so much pressure from outside influences, and they are trying to handle it and everything else on their own. Jesus Christ tells us very clearly in John 15:5 that we can’t do anything on our own. From the smallest to the greatest detail, we need God’s help.

One of my friends shared the other day that she was having a tough time deciding what to get for the significant man in her life. She found out that he purchased a very big Christmas gift for her. Now she feels obligated to do the same for him. I told her to pray about it first and let the Lord lead her. She said, “Ugh, praying is not always the answer. I’ll figure it out.” As believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are often taken aback to hear this kind of sentiment expressed, and it is because we recognize the importance of seeking God first in every aspect of our existence.

In Isaiah 41:13(NLT), God told His people, “For I hold you by your right hand – I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.’” You are never the lesser for allowing God to hold you by the hand and help you out in even the smallest of life’s obstacles.  One truth that I learned early in my Christian walk was that you cannot rise above that which you don’t know or haven’t been taught. Sometimes we think asking for help admits that we’re not capable or it shows a sign of weakness. I can admit that I’m very hard on myself and coming from a home where we were taught how to be self-sufficient, asking God for guidance and help wasn’t always my first response. I’m so thankful that I learned the truth about our Provider, for He is our Sufficiency and is always willing to help us. We think, “I should be able to handle this on my own.” But the truth is that God created us so that we would lean and depend on Him for everything.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5(NLT), “4 We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. 5 It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.” Every good thing comes from God. We must have a great trust in our Heavenly Father, because He will not ever fail or forsake us. We don’t have to beg, and we cannot control the masterful way in which He solves our problems and meets our needs. He knows exactly what to do. It is His good pleasure to provide for His children, and to express gratitude for His overwhelming and matchless kindness, you must have faith and let Him help you. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Let God Help You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

God’s Love Makes It All Possible

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Ephesians 4:22-24(NLT)
“22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”

My friend Brian met his new girlfriend four months ago. He met her through a mutual friend, and they have been inseparable since their first date. His first marriage ended fifteen years ago, and after a series of failed relationships, he said he believes he’s finally met the woman that reciprocates the kind of love he gives.

As I listened to my friend, I was reminded of the happiness a person experiences from a relationship that is new and appears to be heading in the right direction. I couldn’t help but identify with those feelings, and it makes me excited about the possibilities the future holds. It also reminded me of the choice that we are forced to make about how we view being single in this season. We can be continually stoked about what God is doing, even though we don’t yet see the details of His handiwork; or, we can be disappointed and sad because everything isn’t happening on our own timetables.

Most of us have been on the downside before. We’ve been in relationships we hoped would work out, but the person doesn’t honor and return the kind of love we’re giving. We shouldn’t allow this disappointment to soil the hopefulness and faith that is required to see our dreams manifest. Instead, we must be even more tenacious when it comes to confessing and believing the promises of God. And we must also be committed to learn the lessons of God’s love that all disappointments will teach us.

In many cases, instead of learning to walk in spiritual maturity in a greater way, and moving forward and upward, many of us, both men and women, will try to hold on to a relationship that’s not working for us.  Even though it’s the wrong person, we don’t want to experience the pain of yet another disappointment, so we cling to what we’ve got because we have a fear of letting another relationship fall out of our hands. The danger in clinging to something that isn’t working for us is that it sends the wrong message about our faith. To give any relationship a fighting chance, it can’t be built on a rocky foundation. It can’t be built on fear, doubt, or desperation. So, as singles determined to receive what God has for us, we’ve got to be patient so that we can present a love that is wrapped in faith, and we can then receive this same kind of love in return.

Your love is being groomed. You are being prepared in a way that helps you fully surrender to the Spirit. Then he can flood your life with renewal continually. Ephesians 4:22-24 tells us to throw off the former way of life. We are to let go of our doubtful thoughts and attitudes and put on our new nature. This new nature carves out the highest level of love of which you and I are capable—it’s a Christ-kind of love, and it draws blessings and people across our paths. God tells us in Isaiah 55:11(NLT), “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” Well, God’s love is just like His Word. When it goes forth in purity and conviction, it accomplishes what God wants it to accomplish. God’s love always hits its target.

God’s love is what makes everything we desire possible, and this is why He is working in us this very moment. He is helping us to change our motivation so that it isn’t about having a person in our lives at all cost. Our motivation must be to please God and to operate as purely and authentically as possible through His love. 1Corinthians 4:5(NLT) tells us, “So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.” Heavenly Father examines our motives, and He blesses us according to whether our hearts are truly anchored in pleasing Him.

There is a special kind of person that matches you to the tee. They may not be perfect, which none of us are, but they will equal your capacity to love. You and I can never know the heart of an individual. They may seem to be one thing and turn out to be completely different. Only God knows a person’s heart. He is always and forever in control, and He knows who and what is best for our lives. Our happiness is very important to God, and He knows how to reward us and supply our needs. Let’s trust in Him with all our hearts and have confidence that He is doing a work in us that is very necessary, because it is preparing us for His purpose. He’s making sure that when we’re ready, the love we find will match the love we seek. ■

“God’s Love Makes It All Possible”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

The Truth Is the Same Every Time

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There’s a famous quote that says, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to worry about keeping a lie straight.” There’s also another golden gem that most all of us have heard, “Honesty is the best policy.” Unequivocally, honesty is always the best policy, practice, and pursuit; but sometimes in life, we are faced with a situation when the truth, if spoken, will be devastating for someone to hear. In this case, what do you do? Well, like everything else in life, this is one of those situations where we must have faith in God’s Word. Jesus Christ is the truth, and he tells us that it will make us free. So, if we want to honor our relationships, then the truth is always the way to go, but as with much in the Christian life, it is how we deliver it that makes all the difference.

I had a conversation with a woman who shared her true feelings with the man she loves. They’ve been on and off a few years, and she didn’t feel as if either of them had been upfront about their feelings and intentions. She’s ready for a marriage commitment, and thought it was time for her to put all her cards on the table. In a relationship, I’m all for being as authentic in communicating your desires and needs as possible, but a person must be as honest about the situation they are dealing with as they are about what they want. Somewhere deep inside her heart, I believe this woman knew the man didn’t share her desire to take the relationship any further, but she had refused to face it.

After she shared her feelings, he went out of his way to avoid her. This man knew the truth, that he didn’t want to marry her, but he didn’t know how to deliver it. The whole situation turned out completely different than she had hoped, and she was devastated. Being ready to hear the truth is something most of us claim to be; being prepared to hear ‘no’ is a whole other ball game. This man didn’t want to hurt her, and instead of having an honest, compassionate, and mature conversation, he hid. He mirrored her own refusal to face the reality that he didn’t want to marry her.

The truth doesn’t change. It’s consistent, and it will not fail us. The beloved sister who allowed herself to fall in love with someone who didn’t love her back, did so out of a belief that she didn’t deserve more. This man ducked and dived to avoid seeing her. Is this really an individual that can handle the challenges of marriage? Doesn’t seem like it. So, to grieve for something that isn’t the best for you would not be the best use of your time. A better solution is to do what Philippians 4:8 says and fix our thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and excellent. Those yummies describe the kind of man who will not run from commitment. That’s what God has in store for us, and we should be preparing to receive it.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“The Truth is the Same Every Time”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Love Knows How to Wait

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I received a phone call recently from a Christian woman who’s been single for a little while.  Like many of our sisters out there patiently waiting, she’s attractive, savvy, stable and witty.  She’s at a point in her life where she’s expecting God to bless her with a good man any day now.  The only drawback is that she finds herself being the pursuer instead of being the one pursued. Not long ago, she was introduced to someone by a friend and they decided to meet up for a bite to eat. They both agreed, “No pressure, just a casual meeting.” She was surprised by how literal he took this.

Come on now, you know how we do. Even though it was casual, sister-girl still had, “First date” on the brain. She got a little dolled up because we all want to leave the best first impression we can. Well, that wasn’t quite the approach he took. As a matter of fact, it didn’t appear as though he had put much effort into making his best impression at all. His appearance left something to be desired and his demeanor was lackluster, but after dinner she still sent him a ‘thank you—nice to meet you’ text later that evening. Days later, nothing—zilch—nada—crickets.  No call, no text, not even to say hello.

She called me and asked if she should be the one to call him. My response to her, “Absolutely NOT!” It’s not about playing cat and mouse games. It’s a matter of how we truly see and value ourselves as women. There are people in your life that appreciate you, and you know this because they make you feel appreciated. Just as game recognizes game, light recognizes light. Heavenly Father wouldn’t make a presentation of a marital partner who can’t see our light and appreciate it. He tells us as much in 2Corinthians 6:14 when He says that light and darkness can’t have communion with each other.

We hear a lot of negative talk out there about how challenging it is to find a good man. Is that the truth or is it that we’ve listened to it for so long that it has blinded us to the truth? We don’t often hear about men who understand the treasure of a good woman and express it, but they are out there. And we don’t have to chase them down. That would not be a response of faith, but fear. Relationship drama is notoriously broadcasted on every form of media we can think us. We see the ugly live and in technicolor, and it has really done a number on many of us. The arrogance, meanness, and pettiness has made us so afraid of trusting one another, that we’ve convinced ourselves it’s not possible to find a man that’s a match for our level of decency and moral character. Understand that God is brilliant beyond brilliance, and intelligent beyond intelligence. If you’re alive and breathing, you can trust that another like you is near, and God has taken care of all the details of your meeting one another, but your trust in God is a must.

Amos 3:3(KJV) poses an interesting question that cuts right down to the meat of the matter. Amos was a prophet who learned what many of us have found challenging to learn in life. He asked in this verse, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” There must be agreement for us to walk with God, and there must be agreement for two individuals to walk together as partners, but most importantly, you must have agreement with yourself. Agreement is consistency, compatibility, conformity, and harmony that is based on God’s truth. Your truth is that you are God’s daughter! You carry His Holy Spirit within you, and you are loved by God to such an overwhelming degree that it will take you an eternity to explore its depths. God’s got you! He wants you to have the best way more than you could ever want it for yourself. He said in Jeremiah 29:11(ESV), “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” You must trust that every detail of your life’s fulfillment has been taken care of by Him.

Romans 8:32(NLT) declares, “Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?” God is a God who blesses His people, but we can’t forget that as His people, we have a responsibility as well. Jesus Christ said in John 14:15 that if we love him, we will keep his commandments. Don’t get ahead of God. Instead, pray without ceasing. You don’t have to rush love, because love knows how to wait on God’s perfect timing, and you should too.

Real love is God’s love, and it doesn’t push, shove or force. Love is kind and gentle, and it comes to us as effortlessly as we give it out. We can’t make someone love us, but we can make a commitment to love God with all our hearts and live by the example of Christ. We must be as patient with ourselves as we would want our partners to be. We are learning that our love must be expressed through our faith in God, and our destiny will beautifully unfold once this practice is firmly in our grasp.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Love Knows How to Wait”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!