Aisha grew up in New Jersey, with three brothers. Even though she’s the oldest, her younger brothers were always very protective, and they still are today. She’s 43, has never been married, and has been in and out of relationships most of her adult life. She wants a man that makes her feel as protected as she’s always felt with her brothers, but inevitably, she ends up being disappointed. In her view, the men she’s dated haven’t been able to live up to this standard. She swore off dating for a while but is now open to it again. I had a conversation with her a little while ago. She had met someone new at her job and they went out on a date. She told me she experienced a really awkward moment on the date when he asked her a question. She really struggled to answer it and was embarrassed about it. He wanted to know, “What is a beautiful woman like yourself still doing single?”
Driving home that night, all Aisha could think about was why she had such difficulty answering this question. In her conversations with girlfriends, she had been accustomed to blaming character flaws in the men for her past failed relationships, but there was something about the manner in which this man asked the question that left no room for blame. She would have to look within for answers, and this was something she hadn’t done to any great degree before.
Aisha is undeniably a beautiful woman, but her manner at times can be likened to putting a bull in a china cabinet. She has a negative filter when it comes to a lot of things, and she views many people and situations through a very critical lens. Things that would be better left unsaid, she says them; and her criticisms are almost never tempered with love. The thing is, she doesn’t put herself through this same scrutiny.
All of us have flaws, but we can’t afford to use this as an excuse. There are certain flaws that impede our destinies, cause us to walk outside our purpose, and they cause us to miss out on the blessings God has stored up for us. Ultimately, these particular flaws take us so far outside the Will of God that they harm our relationship with Him severely. These are the flaws and weaknesses that we’re in the earth to address. They spawn the lessons that continue to cycle back until we either learn them or die. Arrogance will always keep us blind to this, but through humility, God will give us the grace to see it.
Romans 10:9-10 (NLT) tells us, “9 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.” Believing in our hearts and confessing with our mouths are required for the new birth reality. It is the only way to receive salvation. God makes it clear that it is the heart that makes the difference, for this is where love abides. We must swap out the heart that causes harsh judgement and undue criticism against others and exchange it for a heart that welcomes kindness and compassion.
Ephesians 5:25 tells us that God’s standard is that a man loves his wife just as Christ loves the church. Christ loved the church so much that he offered up his life for her. This allows us to know beyond a shadow of doubt that truly a man can love a woman this way, because God has told us it is so. The question for the woman is whether her heart draws this level of love. It will be challenging to do so if her heart is filled with remnants of fear and darkness.
Demonstrating the love of God must be at the top of our agenda in life and in relationships. Once we are anchored in it, this love then becomes actively engaged as we give it out, but you can’t give something you haven’t practiced within yourself. When Aisha was asked why she’s still single, she came up with, “I’ve been patiently waiting for the right fit.” It sounds good, but it didn’t feel authentic to her soul, and she couldn’t hide it. She very much wants things to work out with the man who asked the question. So, she has begun to confront some things that she has hidden behind for many years.
God doesn’t want us running away from the truth ever. And the truth is that, to the extent a flaw keeps our blessing hostage, we must confront it and do the work to get it handled. It can be very uncomfortable, there’s no mistake about this. Aisha must learn to lean on God for her protection, and not look to a man to be something more than what he is. God will often work through the man, but all protection comes from Heavenly Father, and we should never think anyone can do it better than Him. There must be room in our hearts to accept that the right fit for us may not be strong in all the areas we expect, but they will help to build us up as we seek to fulfill the purpose to which we are called.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Is a Flaw Keeping Your Blessing Hostage?”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!