Tag Archives: How to love myself

God is With You

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Isaiah 41:10(ESV)
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

God is with us when we go through some of the darkest times of our lives. When we feel lost and don’t know what to do, and we’re wondering how we ended up in the space and place we’re in, we can be encouraged in the Lord. Our Heavenly Father is with us all the time, and He is always willing and able to help us in our times of need. Sometimes, we let our feelings get in the way of accepting this truth. Then we fail to acknowledge the presence and power of God. Romans 8:1(NKJV) says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” Feelings of condemnation can enter the picture when we don’t feel good enough, or we think that God won’t hear our prayers because we’ve done wrong things. This isn’t true, and we shouldn’t let feelings of unworthiness keep us from reaching out to our Heavenly Father.

God tells us in Revelation 22:13 that He is Alpha and Omega, the first and last, and the beginning and the end. He knows the end at the beginning, and He knows the beginning at the end. He’s not forgetful, and there isn’t anything that He does not know. He said in Isaiah 55:9(NLT), “For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” God has all power and intelligence, and our problems and issues are never too big for Him to solve.

Domestic violence and abuse usually occurs in the shadows, and most victims try to keep it hidden, but we can’t hide it from God, although many of us behave as though we can. We might think He doesn’t see our pain and that He will not help us escape the constant fear that many live under. With those who suffer domestic violence and abuse, relationships become an emotional roller-coaster. The abuser may be charming and sweet at times. They are often apologetic and very passionate, and this leaves us torn between staying and leaving. It’s also the reason that many individuals remain in abusive and unhealthy relationships. They feel imprisoned on so many levels, but rest assured, through Jesus Christ, there is a way of escape.

Abusive relationships and situations can bring a lot of shame as well as other emotions that keep us living life on the edge, but no matter the circumstance, we can’t limit what God can do to bring us freedom and wholeness. Things happen in this world that we live in that are brutal, chaotic, and bring a lot of suffering. This gets complicated by our lack of knowledge about our identities in Christ and a misunderstanding of who God is. Proverbs 19:21(ESV) tells us, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” The burdens of life weigh heavy on us, so much so that we forget that God has a purpose for our lives, and there’s no way to get around the reality that His purpose must be fulfilled.

God’s purpose is for us to live in Christ, to be in relationship with Him through Christ and to do all the good things that He planned for us long ago. His purpose is not for us to be abused in any way or to suffer in life, and we must allow for the reality that our minds and hearts need to change to see His love in a greater way.

We should never allow anything to cause us to shrink away from God. He knew the mistakes we’d make before we made them. He knows our weaknesses and said in 2Corinthians 12:9(NLT), “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” The most important thing in life is to be in relationship with God. It’s so wonderful to know that our relationship with God isn’t dependent on us and how much we love Him, it’s all about Him and His love for us, because He loves us no matter what. So, the very best thing we can do for ourselves is to acknowledge and be thankful that God is always with us. He is always willing to come to our aid, and if we ask Him in prayer, He’ll take the things we did wrong and use them to teach us to love Him, ourselves, and others through His grace, strength, and power. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“God is With You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Keep Bitterness Out and Love In

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James 1:20(ESV)
 “For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

A woman ran into an old high school classmate she hadn’t seen in over thirty-years. They were attending a repast after a funeral, and she spotted him while looking for a seat. She made a beeline to where he was sitting and without a formal greeting, she said to him “Why don’t you move down a couple of seats so I can sit down.” This to someone she hadn’t seen in over thirty years, and the oddity and familiarity of that moment didn’t escape him. With a humorous chuckle, he said, “You hadn’t changed a bit. You’re still just as bossy and mean as you were in high school.” Bossy and mean is what her husband used to say about her when they were married. It’s why they divorced. He told her that her bitterness had canceled out the love.

In significant relationships, a couple becomes very comfortable with one another. They see each other’s vulnerabilities and strengths, and they also see things about one another that they don’t like. James 1:19(NLT) tells us, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” This is God’s standard for how we should behave towards one another, but when things get heated, we use our mouths to go for the jugular. We sometimes resort to name calling, and bad language. We put each other down and say words that we wish we could take back, words that can cause irreparable damage to the relationship. 

We must understand that God is the One who sets the standard for how people should treat one another. He tells us in Ephesians 4:32(ESV) “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” 1Peter 3:9(ESV) commands, “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” And Colossians 3:12-14(NLT) says, “12Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.”

These are God’s directives. They are not suggestions. They represent the conduct of someone who is saved by His grace and seeks to love and honor Him with all that they are. When we step outside the boundaries of love’s way and look away from God’s directives, we punish ourselves and subtract from our level of blessedness. To assume that we can violate God’s standard for how we should conduct ourselves in His love but then expect the rewards of a loving and respectful relationship is irrational and unreasonable. The manifestation of a blessing requires that we meet the conditions that cause it to materialize. God’s Word is law! It does not yield to our whims, arrogance, or rebellion against it. If we choose to ignore it, we will live beneath our privilege, and our relationships will not be what they could and should be.

God tells us in 1Corinthians 13:4(ESV) that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” Bitterness is the manifestation of rebellion or neglect of 1Corinthians 13:4. Nothing unkind, selfish, arrogant, vengeful, or envious can be birthed when God’s love is our unyielding commitment and way of living. God’s love must be worn like a second skin, and we should be this kind of person before we get into relationships, so that we are honoring God and putting Him first from the very beginning.  

2Peter 3:18(ESV) says, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity.” What does it say about a person who, after thirty years, is still stuck in the habit patterns of bitterness and resentment and refuses to live in God’s grace? It says that they are not growing in Christ the way He commands. God wants us to spiritually grow in Christ so that we live in a continual cycle of giving and receiving genuine love.

When we are habitually and frequently stepping outside the boundaries of God’s love in our significant relationships, we are making the wrong choices. We are choosing to ignore God’s standard and acquiescing into levels of darkness that are injurious and not sustainable in the relationship. We’ve assumed a certain comfort level that isn’t ours to assume, and because of this, we’ve taken license to say and do things that take us out of the example of Christ. We don’t have the right to treat people anyway we chose. God says we can only treat them with the love of Christ, and that must be our code for life. There’s a cost for going outside the boundaries of love, and we should avoid it. Understand that a comfort level in any relationship doesn’t afford you the option of going low. You must choose to keep bitterness out of your relationship and do all that you can to remain rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Keep Bitterness Out and Love In”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Not All Scars Are Visible

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Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

It’s been seven years since Karen’s divorce, and she still talks about it as if it happened yesterday. Karen and Kevin were high school sweethearts and on the day of their wedding, she could not have been more captivated and in love. Kevin felt the same way, but Karen noticed that his love and affection often came with conditions and waned from time to time. This became apparent after she gave birth to their first son.

Karen struggled to lose her baby weight, and Kevin complained about her eating habits. He often criticized her for not being able to lose the weight, and she felt he withheld his affection at times as a way of punishing her. After their second child was born two years later, she gained more weight, and with taking care of toddlers and working, it seemed harder to lose. She began to feel bad about herself. Kevin had been her best friend and the love of her life. She had counted on his support for as long as she could remember and never dreamed that he would body shame her.  

When the person you count on most in the world doesn’t show genuine concern and support, but instead hurts you deeply, it can wound your heart or open up old wounds again. You might feel devalued and very lonely. It’s important for us to know that God understands and wants to help. Philippians 4:6(NLT) tells us “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Our Heavenly Father wants us to bring all our cares to Him, including the emotional wounds that occur when our physicality is verbally demeaned by someone that is supposed to have our backs. 

1Peter 3:7(NLT) says, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” This is the standard that God has set for husbands, but when it came to her weight, Kevin didn’t do this. He didn’t honor Karen and treat her with understanding. His treatment was far from the dream of marriage she had envisioned. The disappointment of it on top of everything else cut deep, but Karen didn’t open up to Kevin about how hurt she was.

She’d try to reassure him that she was working on losing weight, and she tried many diets, but she didn’t lose as much weight as Kevin wanted. She couldn’t get back to the figure she once had, and eventually she was okay with that. After a while, Kevin’s complaints and comments about her weight lessened, but her feelings had changed about her husband. She didn’t notice it until Kevin wanted to visit his parents with the kids. She couldn’t bring herself to get excited over it, even though she dearly loved his folks. She didn’t want to go anywhere with him really. She felt ashamed and that he was always judging her. The scars from his ridicule and complaints about her weight were not visible, but they were there and they were unresolved. 

He had never apologized, and she had never told him how she truly felt. A lack of communication, compassion, and support can deepen the scars from shame and insecurity in matters like these. When neither partner is willing to confront issues with prayer and the love of Jesus Christ, they fail to introduce God’s healing which is desperately needed. Romans 8:29(NLT) tells us, “No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This verse communicates the overwhelming, unlimited, and never-ending love that God has for us. He will never stop loving us, and this same love comes to live in our hearts when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.

The scars from emotional and verbal abuse will rob a relationship of intimacy, and it also shows us very clearly that our brand of love is not enough glue to hold a relationship together. When times are challenging in our relationships, often the wounds are deep, and the residuals and emotional scars can impact our affection and devotion towards the other person. This doesn’t mean that we have to live in despair or give up on who we are. What it means is that spiritual growth in Christ is necessary, and at least one of the partners must have some recognition of this. 

Many couples are dealing with hurt that has been inflicted by abusive and unkind words, as well as other unresolved pain between them. These scars are not visible and the  issues that caused them may seem insurmountable, but nothing is impossible with the power of God’s love. When we feel bad on the inside, we eventually end up hurting others and sometimes it’s the person we love most. We can do something about this, and we should. We must always remember that our humility and honesty with ourselves, others, and most importantly, with God, will open the door to the love of Christ. If we are diligent in prayer and faith, we will introduce God’s healing within and in our relationships as well.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Not All Scars Are Visible”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Just Do It!

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God tells us in Proverbs 3:5 to trust in Him with all our hearts, and He tells us not to lean on our own understanding. When we lean on something, we expect it to hold us up. We believe it will support us come what may. God tells us not to do that with our own understanding because our own understanding will not be enough to hold us up or carry us through, especially when we’re in the grips of troubles and tribulation. We don’t know what God knows and we don’t see what He sees. If we would keep this truth in the forefront of our minds and hearts continually, our faith will increase tremendously, but the reality is that most of us struggle to do this. We don’t let go and let God. Instead, we let our limited knowledge about a situation take over how we respond to it. That’s not the way.

Genesis 1:1(ESV) states, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” Even though we don’t see it in the Bible, in our minds, there should be a great big ‘period’ after this verse. Its truth is absolute and so foundational to our understanding of who God is. The psalmist said in Psalm 18:30(ESV), “This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.” There’s no one greater than God. His Word is true. He tells us in Revelation 1:8 that He’s Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. No one in all of eternity and time compares to Him.

God has all knowledge, He is supremely and incomparably intelligent, and all power is in His hands. He is magnificent, brilliant, and He is love. It isn’t enough for us to casually skim the surface of this truth. The heft of His sovereignty and absolute rule must be anchored deep in our hearts and minds. Our Heavenly Father has established the way through Jesus Christ, and we must follow it if His love and blessings are our aim. When it’s not our aim or we’re not quite understanding the devotion and obedience that God requires, we lean on our own understanding and try to build a life that way. We allow our emotions to take the lead, and this will not transport us to a safe and prosperous path.

When we’re facing a challenge in life, reverence for the awesomeness of our God must be in our hearts, faith in Him must be on our minds, and seeking Him for guidance and direction must be on our lips. Sometimes our actions don’t line up with this. Many of us run hot for Him one minute and cold for Him the next. We forget about honoring and praising God when things are good, but often heat up in prayer when situations are troublesome. We can’t allow our situations and conditions to determine our temperature for honoring and praising God. Gratitude for His goodness and mercy should always be on our hearts, minds, and lips. 1Corinthians 10:31(NLT) tells us, “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

Our extraordinary Heavenly Father commands us in Proverbs 3:6-7(NLT) to, “6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. 7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil.” Seeking and living by the Will of God isn’t negotiable. God expects us to just do it! This means that whether we’re sad, angry, discouraged, excited, weary, or full of joy, we must seek God and have faith that He alone is able to help us. Whenever we need a reminder in our not so good moments of life, God’s promises are right at our fingertips. Understand that our love, faith, and honor for God shouldn’t be determined by whether we’re having a good or bad day. Focus on Him and His goodness no matter what and move everything else out of the way. Just do it, and you’ll have peace as He gives you the victory in every situation of life. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“Just Do It!”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Pray God’s Word

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James 5:16 (NLT)
“And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”

I don’t know about you, but I know quite a few believers that have been praying for the same special desire for a while now. Some want to be married, others want financial increase, a new job, house, or car. There are others in this group that desire greater spiritual growth, so they can bless the body of Christ even more. Jesus Christ said in John 10:10(NKJV), “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have [it] more abundantly.” Our Lord and Savior came to the earth to make it available for everyone to live a rich and satisfying life. This is the Will of God for us. In light of this truth, it seems a little out of place for so many of us to be continually in wait mode. Could it be that there’s something more about this promise that God wants us to understand?

God blesses His Word
In John 17, Jesus Christ prayed for the disciples and committed them to our Heavenly Father in prayer. He prayed in John 17:14-17(NLT), “14 I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. 15 I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. 16 They do not belong to this world any more than I do. 17 Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.” From his youth, our Lord and Master studied, spoke, and prayed God’s Word. He knew the Words of the psalmist, King David, in Psalm 12:6(NLT) which says, “The LORD’s promises are pure, like silver refined in a furnace, purified seven times over.” The disciples couldn’t sanctify themselves and neither can we. Our Lord and Savior prayed that God would sanctify them—to purify, refine, set apart, and cleanse them—and would do so through His Word.

Jesus Christ only did the Will of the Father, and this is our responsibility as well. He never deviated from God’s Word, because he understood that this was the source of our power, authority, and peace. The more of God’s Word that we put on in our hearts and minds, the more we will be cleansed by it. This is so monumentally important for us to understand because God blesses His Word. His Word is His Will. Wherever and whenever His Word is believed and practiced, His power is manifested. God doesn’t bless lies. He doesn’t bless half-truths. We must cling to the truth He speaks so that we pray prayers of faith! Romans 10:17 tells us that faith comes from hearing the truth that God has spoken in His Word, and Jesus Christ tells us in John 8:32 that the truth will make us free. The Words of our Heavenly Father in Isaiah 55:11(NLT) should cement His allegiance to His Word in our minds and hearts. This verse says, “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”

Honor for God’s Word
The psalmist said of God in Psalm 138:2(NKJV), “I will worship toward Your holy temple,
And praise Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.” Our Heavenly Father elevates His Word above His name, and His name is exceedingly great. This verse communicates the level of honor that God has for His own Word, and through it, we can learn the level of honor and respect we are required to have for His Word as well. God’s Word and our obedience to it is what gets His attention. When we pray, we should have this in our minds and on our hearts.

Ecclesiastes 6:10(NLT) declares “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.” This is what we can lay hold to in faith. Ephesians 1:3 tells us that God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm, and He did this when we gave our lives to Jesus Christ. Our words don’t have any power until we say what God says. When we pray, it’s imperative to speak His promises outwardly with reverence and boldness and to declare with gratitude that what He promises is already ours.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“Pray God’s Word”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Unfamiliar Pain

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Many of us are struggling with sadness because we’ve been emotionally hurt so badly in the past. When it comes to relationships, we might feel as though we can’t catch a break. Nothing seems to go as we planned. Why does finding and keeping love seem to be so difficult? All we want to do is love someone in a way that is fulfilling and meaningful, and we want to receive that same quality of love back. It’s simple enough, but the truth is that not everyone knows how to love in a fulfilling and meaningful way. Many individuals are not interested in giving quality love, even when they receive it. When we end up choosing someone like this as a partner, we sometimes set ourselves up for heartbreak. That’s not easy medicine to take, but it can heal our hearts if we’re willing to listen to God’s direction and instruction. 

We know what kind of over-the-counter medicine to take for a headache or a common cold, but gut-wrenching heartbreak is unfamiliar pain. It’s not like breaking a bone. It’s a wound we can’t touch and an ache that no pill can take away. This unfamiliar pain is probably the only kind that’s on repeat in the lives of so many people. The reason for this is because we continue to make the same choices and same mistakes when it comes to significant relationships.

After a heartbreak, some of us end up in a very lonely place, and we’re in a position where loneliness continues to persist. One of the major factors in our struggle with relationships and loneliness is our habit of making wrong choices and decisions. Take Lexie for example. Three years ago, she did everything but kidnap Devin and force him down the aisle to get him to marry her. He didn’t want to get married, but he was no match for Lexie’s persistence. Her last two long-term relationships had ended because of it, and she refused to accept any more rejection. Devin went along with the big extravagant wedding and honeymoon that Lexie had always wanted, but soon after, it was clear that the marriage wasn’t going to last.

Proverbs 2:6(ESV) tells us, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” The wisdom to make good choices and decisions comes from God, from reading and studying His Word. Lexie wasn’t interested in God’s wisdom. She didn’t ask for it and wouldn’t follow it. She had a habit of jumping into relationships too soon, and often with the wrong person. She set unattainable expectations and was in denial about a lot of red flags that would have helped her avoid the heartbreak that inevitably came her way.  Divorced for a year now, Lexie hasn’t changed. She hasn’t dated anyone seriously, but if a willing vessel came along, she’d do things exactly as she has in the past.

Like Lexie, many of us have made choices that we initially thought were very good and it ended up being very bad. We led, not with wisdom, but with our hearts. We took a leap and did so because everyone says that this is what we should do. “Follow your heart…” they say. “Your heart will never steer you wrong…” we’re told. Jeremiah 17:9(ESV) tells us about the human heart and how fickle and deceptive it can be. It says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” There’s nothing more deceptive than the human heart, and that’s why we should never lean on our own understanding about things. We must lean on the Lord.

Life will reveal that making important decisions and choices by our hearts is not always a good idea. In fact, it’s rarely a good idea. Our hearts can lead us down a very dark path, and this is a piece of information we desperately need to have in our arsenals. We all have an idea of how we want to be loved, and some of us have unrealistic expectations about this. We’re in the wrong lane when it comes to the quality of love we receive and give. Those expectations must be adjusted before we can partner in a relationship wisely and from a place of strength.

Life is given by God to be lived out in faith, not fantasy. Romans 5:3-5(NLT) “3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Relationships that are built on fantasy will not last. They must be built on our faith in God, and this means we must demonstrate the endurance and strength of character that He requires.

Life is not a romance movie. It’s filled with ups and downs, and some of the downs can be devastating. Our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, didn’t keep this a secret. In John 16:33, he told us about the troubles that come with life on earth, but he also made it clear that we can have peace in our hearts because he overcame the world, and through him, we will to. Jesus Christ gives us peace, but the world will cause some trouble in our lives, and the way that we overcome that trouble is through our faith in him. 1John 5:4(NL) says, “For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.”

Significant relationships can present some of our greatest challenges. If we add unrealistic or unattainable expectations to the mix, we’re setting ourselves up for disaster. God doesn’t want this for us. He wants us to learn to walk by the Spirit so that we can be wise and make wise relationship decisions.

Don’t make the unfamiliar pain of heartbreak a familiar but unwelcome guest. Don’t let it be on repeat in your life. James 1:5(NLT) says, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” Let God’s wisdom lead you in your relationship choices, and that includes the choice about the person you are considering dating. Have faith that God will lead you in the right direction, and do not leap unless He tells you that it’s okay to do so. ■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Unfamiliar Pain”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Through Rivers of Difficulty, God is With You

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Luke 12:6-7(NLT)
“6 What is the price of five sparrows–two copper coins? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. 7 And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

Pam and Jesse have been married for thirty-five years. They have three grown children and two grandchildren. While visiting her mother in Florida for a few days, she received a phone call that her husband had suddenly passed away of a heart attack. Not more than two months prior, they’d celebrated his sixtieth birthday. Pam initially froze from the shock of the news. She had just spoken with her husband that morning, and she just couldn’t process what had happened, but as the hours passed, something completely unexpected happened. Pam felt almost a sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 

Jesse was a very intelligent and resourceful man. He was also proud, stubborn, unaffectionate, and always had to be right. An electrician by trade, he was masterful at repairing and building just about anything. He always wanted more out of life and resented his parents for not helping him go to college after high school to become an engineer. Throughout their marriage, he had taken the brunt of his disappointments and frustrations out on Pam. From the very beginning, he turned to alcohol to cope with stressful situations, but things got worse after the children were born. He was verbally and physically abusive, and his two sons grew up disliking their father because of it. Alcoholism and abuse had been the norm in their home, but for Jesse, marital counseling was out of the question, and so was divorce. Pam felt that she had spent the last thirty-five years holding her breath in the prison that Jesse had made for them all. When he died, she felt she was finally able to come up for air.

Ephesians 5:28-29(ESV) tells us, “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” Jessie didn’t do a decent job of loving himself, so Pam really didn’t stand a chance. He couldn’t love Pam as the Word teaches in Ephesians 5:28-29, because he didn’t allow God’s Word and love to saturate his heart. He tried to mask his resentment and anger with alcohol, and after he turned 50, his body began to betray him with numerous health issues.

Pam said she blamed herself for not mustering up the courage to leave Jesse years ago, but she didn’t want her children to grow up without their father. She also didn’t think she could make it on her own. She was sometimes angry with God that things had turned out the way they did, but she hadn’t considered the reality that life is full of choices, and sometimes we repeatedly make the wrong ones. At fifty-seven, she’s beginning to understand that whether it’s when you’re twenty-five or fifty-five, life will push us all to confront how we see and value our own selves. 

2Timothy 1:7(NLT) tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” This is what we have received as God’s children! Through the Holy Spirit, we have received power, love, and self-discipline or self-control. We are empowered to live with authority and dominion over our own lives, but many of us are not taught the truth of 2Timothy 1:7. We make mistakes because of our insecurities and self-doubt, and the enemy continually hurls situations and circumstances that keep us down and separated from the mind and heart required to exercise power, love, and self-discipline.

Jesus Christ tells us in Luke 12:6-7 that God knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows everything there is to know about us, and He also knows what He has given us. Ephesians 1:3(NLT) demonstrates God’s overwhelming generosity towards us. It says, “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.” We are pressed down, shaken together, and packed to overflowing, and God tells us this in His Word. He wants us to know how richly He’s blessed us, and He leaves it totally to us to reach out and grab all that He’s provided.

God told His people in Isaiah 43:2(NLT), “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” He will do this and so much more for those who love and honor Him. Like many of us, it took Pam several years to recognize this. God had not let her down, because it is impossible for Him to disappoint us. He would not place us in a position where we have to wait until someone dies to experience His freedom. We can live in His peace and liberty this very moment if we will trust Him. He will bring us through the rivers of difficulty and not let us drown. We will witness this continually if we have faith in His strength, love, and power, and trust in all that He has given us in Christ.■

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

 “Through Rivers of Difficulty, God is With You”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

There Is a Season for Everything

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Ecclesiastes 3:1(NLT)
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

By God’s perfect and wondrous design, we know that just as there are seasons in weather, there are seasons in life. As expected, a new season will follow a passing season, and there is a continual rhythm to their coming and going. We all experience this world differently, with experiences and encounters as varied as the billions of individuals that inhabit this planet, but the one constant for all of us is that, like the seasons, life will change. Life is dynamic. It’s full of ups and downs, and of course, it’s full of surprises. Whether by choice or force, it will bring change front and center for our acceptance or rejection. We can be sure that if we reject it, that season will cycle back and do so with stronger winds and harsher storms, reminding us that it is better to greet change than to ignore it.

Frustration, disappointment, and a broken heart are just a few of the consequences that land in our laps because we’ve failed to recognize when it’s time to grow, change, and go higher. With our Great Big Wonderful God, there is never regression, but always progression and elevation. The past is something none of us can recapture. We can’t go back and relive one second of our pasts. By divine design, we can only move forward, and God reminds us of this in Isaiah 43:18-19(ESV) when He said, “18 Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;”

In every season, our Heavenly Father demonstrates His unfailing love towards us. He is not a boring God as some believe. He is amazing beyond the definition of the word, and He is very happy being His extraordinarily omnipotent, omniscient, magnificent, loving, and gloriously holy self. He is love, and His delight is to share with us all that He is! This is the main objective of any change that life brings our way; to see God greater and to love greater through Him. We may not see it that way now, but if we patiently endure in the Lord, we most certainly will change our view on this matter.

1Corinthians 13:13(ESV) says, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” Again, God is love, and as His children, He wants us to increase in His love continually. We cannot increase and expand our lives through pain, shame, bitterness, or regret. As we study His Word and pray often, we will grow in Christ by taking on his nature, and we will be able to love others with real love, the kind of love that truly ministers to their hearts. Jesus Christ tells us in Mark 12:30-31 that the greatest commandment is to love God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength, and the second is to love our brothers and sisters in Christ as ourselves. There are no greater commandments that these, and they are all about God’s love.

Loving God, others, and ourselves greater through the example of Jesus Christ is always the reason for the different seasons of life. I recently heard about a couple that didn’t consider this truth. They have been married twenty-three years, but their relationship has been starved of real love for so long that now they see each other only as roommates. Counseling is out of the question they feel, and they both believe that this new season is one of moving on and living different lives, but is it?

The only guarantees in life are God, His Word, and His love. So, whatever it is you’re going through, don’t hold on to the hurt, pain, and frustration. Instead, seek God and grow in His love. Nothing remains the same, and most of us recognize that seasons are temporary. So, a crisis of any kind is never permanent, but here’s the thing; many of us will make permanent decisions that change the situation without realizing that the season was meant to change us. Changing our hearts was the target and we miss this.

Genesis 8:22(NLT) tells us, “As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night.” Seasons are going to change. Summer, fall, winter, and spring will come and go, and no matter our age, we will face these seasons. Be determined that you will not miss what God has for you, and be ready to learn the lessons life brings, because they are always about His love. Remember that our powerful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ is your foundation. He’s our solid Rock, and with him, you will always have the courage and faith to greet each season with His love and light.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

 “There Is a Season for Everything”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Give It Up

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When a person has a lot of pride and arrogance, they will always find a way to boost themselves above others. It isn’t uncommon for an arrogant person to think that he or she knows it all. They must be right all the time and will belittle or devalue the opinions and knowledge of others to look superior. There’s a big difference between arrogance and confidence, and an arrogant person doesn’t understand this. Confidence comes from an appreciation of the abilities and qualities that God has given. It’s an assurance of one’s self that isn’t plagued with doubt and uncertainty and is proven by experience. Arrogance is devoid of gratitude and self-assurance. It is the need to hide behind and push a lie about one’s own ability and qualities at all cost.

Many abusers are arrogant and make victims of those who might expose their shortcomings or pose a challenge to their high opinion of themselves. Their attitude of superiority is often overbearing and leaves no room for anyone other than themselves. The abuser will not face the truth about this, and sometimes the person being abused will not face it either. We don’t want to deal with the reality that the significant person in our lives is arrogant, and they are not treating us well because of it.

The put downs, feeling less than, and having to always be on guard can exhaust us, but we are not without help. The web that arrogance weaves isn’t pretty. It’s tangled and feels hard to dismantle, but we can through the strength of Jesus Christ. He is our hope, and we can access his power and help through prayer, reading and meditating on God’s Word, and confessing what God says over our situations. We can renew our minds by thinking thoughts that are aligned with faith. This requires us to do what God says in Philippians 4:8(NLT), which is to “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” This is the way to begin the process of dismantling the web of arrogance that tries to trap us. We need to be ferocious about God’s peace and power, and we can stake a claim with all that we are to move within them confidently.

People hold on to an arrogant mindset because they believe it serves them. It doesn’t. It injures our souls and that is why we must give it up. Arrogance drains and depletes an individual of grace and mobility. It’s a downer on our lives. Romans 12:3(NLT) warns, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” God doesn’t like arrogance, and as we pray for His help, we must understand this. Romans 12:3 tells us the attitude and heart that God requires, and it is that none of us should think we are better than we really are.

Honestly, there have been times for all of us when we have violated this. We have had arrogant thoughts and attitudes, and we must ask God to forgive us and be committed to root it out of our hearts. Our Heaven Father requires us to humble ourselves and make the necessary adjustment in our own thinking and behaving to demonstrate the humility of Christ.

1Corinthians 4:20(NLT) tells us, “For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.” As God’s children, we are not spiritual weaklings. We are filled with His Spirit and through the Spirit, we can live with power! One of the things that prevents us from fully walking in the Spirit’s power, though, is wrong believing about the nature and goodness of God. Sometimes we attribute characteristics and actions to Him, when it is the devil who does evil against us. So, the wrong belief about who God is and what He will do, we have to give it up and release it from our minds and hearts.

God doesn’t want any person to be abused. Many people have been taught or led to believe that God is angry with us because of our mistakes. Some believe that He punishes us with pain and suffering, and this is not true. It’s not who God is. 1John 4:16(NLT) tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” God is love. He is holy, pure, perfect, all-knowing, and all-powerful. There isn’t anything that He cannot do, but He only does those things that are within the boundaries of His love. 1John 1:5(NLT) tells us, “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” This is God’s truth! This is who He is! He doesn’t punish people; He wants our joy to be full because we belong to Him. He’s our hope, and He will never let us down! Because of Jesus Christ and what God accomplished through him, we can live in God, and as we do, we keep growing and becoming the version of ourselves that God desires us to be.

Either because we feel powerless and weak or we just don’t want to deal with the person staring back at us, most of us find it very difficult to think that we are our greatest asset, and that through Jesus Christ, life can get better. We’re in shock that our life’s choices and decisions have betrayed us to such a devastating degree, but although things feel impossible at times, they are not. You must make a faith move and give up those things that hold you back, because they keep your mind stuck in the past. A victorious strategy is to invite the love of God into our situations and make this a habit pattern. Pray, speak and think thoughts that lift you up and invite God’s love to have greater room in our life. Arrogance has its roots in believing the wrong things about God and ourselves. Make a change, and you will discover that God will reward even the smallest step you take to release arrogance from your life.■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Give It Up”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

Don’t Give Up on God

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2Timothy 1:7(ESV)
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

Jeanene just found out that her teenage daughter’s boyfriend has been abusing her. She was fuming and could hardly talk from the anger she feels. Her daughter has somehow got it into her head that abusive behavior is okay. She sees her boyfriend’s outbursts and aggression as his passionate love for her, and she has refused to end the relationship. Jeanene is at her wit’s end. She doesn’t know what else to do, and she can’t figure out how her daughter who was ‘so smart and sweet’ is now sneaking out of the house at all hours of the night to meet this boy. He has a hold on her daughter like nothing she’s ever seen before, and Jeanene believes that if she pushes any further, she might lose her.

Some have labeled domestic violence as the quiet epidemic, because its victims are often silent and hidden behind a façade of normalcy. It is also very true that like Jeanene’s daughter, abusive relationships can be addictive and obsessive. Without Godly wise and caring guidance and intervention, it can become a pattern of choosing partners that are manipulative, controlling, and threatening. The statistics are staggering when it comes to the percentage of both women and men that have experienced some degree of abuse in a relationship. Many teens are normalizing this behavior and parents are not always proactive about conversations on the subject.

There are many families dealing with a loved one that is in an abusive relationship, and it can be emotionally exhausting. We might feel like giving up, but the Lord Jesus Christ offers us hope and we must grab it with both hands. Everything is spiritual, and this is a truth that many people overlook. 2Corinthians 10:3-4(NIV) says, “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” A stronghold is a pattern of thoughts and behaviors that are introduced by the demonic and are not aligned with God’s truth. They are wrong beliefs and lies that impact attitudes, emotions, and behaviors in a harmful and obsessive way.

1Peter 5:8(NIV) warns, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”We need to watch out and remain on alert for obsessive and idolatrous thoughts because these are used by the enemy against us. When our children have these kinds of thoughts and behaviors, sometimes we don’t recognize it until they are in a serious situation. As we do our best to help them, we cannot afford to leave out the spiritual weaponry of faith and prayer.

God is greater than any problem or situation we could ever face, and we need to be confident that He is willing and able to help us. 1Corinthians 10:13(NLT) tells us, “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” The answers and the way out come from God, and we need to trust in this with our whole hearts.

Whether it is a family member or our own personal abusive relationship, we must never give up on God’s grace, mercy, and power. We need Him and He wants us to lean on Him in every situation of life. 2Corinthians 10:4 reminds us that the weapons we fight with are not of the flesh, in other words, the human mind can’t come up with the powerful weapons that we use; as God’s children, our weapons are spiritual, and through Christ, they destroy any stronghold. So, never lose faith and never give up. Trust the Lord with all your heart, and have confidence that there’s no situation, no stronghold, that He God cannot heal, deliver, resolve, restore, and make better.■   

 Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

“Don’t Give Up on God”, written for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!