Should I Stay When He Cheats?

Would you stay in a relationship if you found out your spouse or significant other had cheated? Don’t answer too quickly. If you’ve never gone through it then your answer could possibly surprise you. 

Out of the blue, a close friend asked me that if by chance I found out my spouse was cheating, would I continue to stay in the relationship. I didn’t hesitate to answer with a resounding “NO!” He quickly said to me, “You say ‘no’ because you’re not in the situation right now, but when you’re married with children, the answer doesn’t come that easy.” After giving this some thought, I realized that my immediacy in answering this question speaks to my inability to consider that there are always two sides. Spiritual maturity begs us to seek God before we rush to judgment. It also demands that we have a humble and forgiving heart. So regardless of our pain and anger, we must seek God for the best course of action.

Many women are hurting today, at this very moment, and the reason they’re in so much pain is because their hearts have been broken by someone they love. A few years ago, my pastor taught about deliverance from a broken heart.  What resonated so deeply was understanding that when our hearts are broken, the ultimate take-away is always going to be the lesson our hurt teaches us about ourselves and about our relationship with God.   

This truth stuck with me because there have been times when hurt has come my way, and if I’m honest, I was baffled as to why Heavenly Father didn’t prevent it. I was utterly devastated, and I didn’t understand why God had allowed me to experience such despair, especially by the person who claimed to care about me. It wasn’t that I had mastered the art of relationships and thought I was untouchable, but I thought at least I knew enough to dodge a bullet when it came to getting my heart broken again. I was wrong. 

Sometimes, the significant people we love are not meant to journey with us any further. They are not the person we should marry and spend the rest of our lives with. We try to cling to them, but their destiny is on another path. We should allow ourselves a little time to grieve, and then get ready to proceed onward and upward in Christ. The only way to really do this is to learn the lesson about the love of Christ that this person has revealed to us. A big part of this lesson is to look before we leap—to seek God before making huge emotional investments.

And if we don’t do this, and it becomes apparent we’ve make a wrong choice, we should repent, release the thing that isn’t working for us, and reprioritize our relationship with God, so that He is in the number one spot. Jesus Christ teaches us in Matthew 6:33 that we must put God first in all things and love Him with all that we are. Our Lord and Master affirms that blessings will chase us down when loving God is our prime motivation in life.

When a spouse has betrayed the marriage vow, it is a very different situation than when someone that isn’t a spouse cheats and goes outside the relationship. Because marriage is God’s institution, if the spouse that has cheated desires forgiveness, and the Lord says so, anyone can be healed, and any relationship can be restored. But boy do we have to walk in wisdom and hear from God with this one. You don’t want to set yourself up to be repeatedly lied to and cheated on, but by the same token, you can’t play the victim and shift all the blame on the cheating spouse. We must at all times remember that God holds us accountable for our actions, and sometimes we’ve done things that caused our spouses to feel hurt and isolated as well.

Relationships are challenging and there are complicated issues to deal with. Even before we go into marriage, God expects that we will have saturated our hearts and minds with His Word, so that we have the endurance and spiritual strength to weather storms. Many of us have not put on His whole armor, and we take that walk down the aisle without it. Then, when something happens and knocks the wind out of us, we are faced with a situation that requires more spiritual maturity and strength than what we’ve acquired.

Ephesians 5:25(NLT) says, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” This is not some abstract concept. It’s God’s standard for the way a man should love and treat his wife. Jesus Christ said in Luke 12:48 that to whom much is given much is required. So, if a man loves his wife the way Christ loves the church, she has a responsibility to make sure she reciprocates it; her actions must be deserving of this kind of love. Considering this, the very best course of action when cheating rears its ugly head is to come to an agreement together to seek the Lord. Both spouses must have humility and be willing to rededicate themselves towards making Jesus Christ the center of their marriage. Then, every step they take together can be guided by his Spirit. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Should I Stay When He Cheats?”, written by Kyrene, edited by PMB for DomesticAbuseAwareness.Org ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

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