Is It Love or Obsession?

Posted on July 10, 2018 by daaorg1214

In any relationship, whether it’s your own emotional state or the person you’re involved with, questioning whether love or obsession is at the root is extremely important. In God’s Word, He gives us very clear information on how love behaves—what it does, and what it produces. One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to loving anyone is to kick humility to the curb, and think that our brand of love is all that and a bag of chips. God is our wonderful Creator. He’s all powerful, all knowing, and intelligent beyond anything that you and I can fathom. On top of all this fabulousness, 1John 4:8 tells us that God is love. So, you and I can be confident that God is the definitive authority on love. Makes no sense to think that we know all the ins and outs when it comes to such an important subject, but many of us think that we do, and boy does this get us into trouble.

My grandmother would say, “There’s a right way to do things, and there’s a wrong way.” God’s way will forever be the right way. His way allows us to maintain loving relationships that are in balance. A relationship that is in balance is one where the love we extend and receive is not masqueraded by obsession, because when this happens, we’re no longer in safe territory.

One of the most critical truths that any spiritual person can know is that everything is indeed spiritual; and when I say ‘everything’, I mean EVERYTHING! Every experience, occurrence, event, activity, person, place, or thing is spiritual. Hebrews 11:3(NLT) tells us, “By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.” God made everything, and everything that we cast our eyes upon in this universe was produced from something that we can’t see with physical eyes. God warns us in 2Corinthians 4:18 not to focus on the things that can be seen. He tells us that the things we can’t see are more real than what we can see, because the things we CAN see are temporary, and the things we can’t see last forever.

We humans like to think we’re the cat’s meow, but when it boils down to it, we’re here on this earth today and gone tomorrow. If we’re blessed, we’ll live a long life, but it can’t be lost on us that our bodies have only a temporary existence. The soul is what God is after, because through Christ, we become eternal beings. So we absolutely have to pay attention to our souls, because the soul helps us to respond to God’s Spirit.

1John 4:16(NLT) tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” This is why we have to get this love thing right. If we’re tipping over to the obsession side of things, love is no longer present. That’s because obsession is a form of fear, and fear is the aesthesis of love. The two are polar opposites, so much so that God tells us in 1John 4:18 that there is absolutely no fear in love, because love cancels out fear—just wipes it out—demolishes it. Flip the switch, and the same is true about fear. Fear cancels out love.

Jesus Christ tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first. It’s must be our primary step before we think to do anything else. But instead of seeking God as our primary step, a whole lot of us seek the love of a person first. This is the number one sign that we’re headed for trouble. We can never look to a human being to give us what only God can give. Many of us have big, gaping holes in our souls. Either because we weren’t loved and nurtured well as kids, or we were wounded in places that haven’t yet healed. Whatever the case, we sometimes look for those holes to be filled in the wrong way and by the wrong source. The remedy is to choose God’s love by being committed to live by the example of Christ.

God has given us the ability to make choices that keep us on the right path of His love. Some of us have ferocious appetites for emotional nourishment, but we can’t let it make us dependent on harmful and parasitical relationships. As one of God’s children, you owe it to yourself not to try and feast off crumbs. You want to be able to love in a healthy way, so that you receive it in a healthy way. Get on solid footing and choose the love of God in Christ! He’s the ONE who loved you first. His love heals, restores, renews, creates, and produces good things. Choose to accept God’s love in your empty places, and let Him teach and help you steer clear of obsession. ■

Broken Pieces of that Old Worn-Out Life

Posted on July 3, 2018 by daaorg1214

Sometimes we want a warm body close to us so badly that we make all kinds of excuses for the person’s bad behavior. My friend, who I’ll call Henrietta, is like this. Hen (we’ll call her that for short) has a larger than average body frame. She also has incredibly big feet for a woman whose only five feet, five inches tall. She’s always been self-conscious about her weight, and back in the day, before the beauty of a thicker frame was as accepted and celebrated as it is today, folks would say to her, “You’ve got a cute face.” All big girls know this used to be code for face—pretty, body—not so much.

Henrietta’s mother, a single parent, was not really the supportive type. She loved her daughter to pieces, but didn’t do a whole lot for Hen in the self-esteem department. Henrietta was starving for validation, and growing up, any boy that showed her attention was immediately the rescuer who was going to make all her dreams come true. She magnified the most insignificant gesture of courtesy. They used it to try and get what all teen-age boys want to get. Afterwards, they’d immediately ignore her, make fun of her behind her back and sometimes in front of her face. For some reason, she never seemed to be angry with them about how they treated her. For the longest while, nothing about her puzzled me more than this.

As a bet, one guy asked her to prom, knowing full well that he never expected to take her. Even after the disappointment of it all, she made excuses for him. One would think that after experiencing many heartbreaks, Hen would have changed her view of things. As a full-grown woman, the lens from which she views potential users has only improved a smidgen, and even that might be overstating it. The odd thing is that if one of her girlfriends steps to her the least bit shady, Hen will let them have it, but with a man who shows her a little bit of attention, it’s a completely different story.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this has absolutely nothing to do with the man, and everything to do with how Hen feels about herself. What is it that she refuses to confront? Why is her refusal so vehemently entrenched that she would rather allow herself to be relegated to second or below, than to acknowledge her pain?

Sometimes it’s easier to try and squeeze a drop of love from a spoiled low-hanging fruit than to reach for a plump delicious one at the top. The thought of the disappointment that comes from reaching and not attaining is too much for some. This is especially true for those that have experienced devastating disappointment before. A parent who abandons, a loved one who died and left us before we were old enough to adequately process the loss, a precious relationship that is irreparably damaged; these types of wounds can set us up for believing the wrong things about ourselves and the wrong things about others.

Heavenly Father knows when there are events in our childhoods that can cause us to make poor choices and bad decisions in adulthood. As children, we’re not always in a position to change course, but as adults, we’re responsible for examining our lives, and seeking God for help. He tells us in Romans 12:2 not to be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. So, you and I can make the choice to change the way we think, and thereby change the course of our lives. This truth is cosigned in Proverbs 4:23 (NLT), where God tells us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” But instead of doing this—instead of renewing their thoughts to the mind of Christ and accepting his love into their hearts, many people run from the healing they need most.

A closed heart can be nurtured by the genuine love of an open one. This is where the extraordinary love of Christ comes in. Romans 8:39 tells us that nothing separates us from his love. In Revelation 3:20(NLT) he said, “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” Jesus continually knocks at the door of our hearts. We need to let him in, and we also need to know that it only takes the tiniest opening for a miracle to happen.

God is calling us to newness. 2Corinthians 5:14(NLT) tells us, “Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.” When Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross, so were all who accept his love in their hearts. We were right there with him, dying to our old selves and being born again anew! He came to give us a life that is more than abundant, where God’s mercies are new every day!

If a person doesn’t know what the sacrifice of Jesus Christ has made available to them, they might continue to pick up broken pieces of that old worn-out life. They don’t know that as hard as they might try to put them back together again, it won’t work. God is the healer of broken hearts; as a matter of fact, that’s His specialty. Because of the issues that we’ve dealt with, for some self-sabotage is set on repeat. This is a pattern that can be changed. If we’ll ask him, the Lord Jesus Christ will help us walk in our new life, and we can learn to leave the broken pieces of the past behind us. ■

Quaneesha, the Dragon Slayer

Posted on June 27, 2018 by daaorg1214

Whenever the subject of anger comes up between Christians, its common to hear a rationale that goes something like, “Well, Jesus Christ got angry when he turned over the tables in the temple, so it’s okay to be angry.” Ephesians 4:26(NKJV) tells us, ““Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,” This gives us some meaningful context about the emotion of anger. We all get angry from time to time. God warns us not to allow our anger to control us, particularly to the point of carrying it with us to bed at night. The problem is that many of us not only let the sun go down on our wrath, we harbor it to full-blown deep and tormenting resentment. That’s when anger insidiously betrays us. It can explode out of nowhere.

Typically, deep-seeded anger is different from that of ordering two fast food hamburgers and finding only the buns with nothing between them when you get home. Still hungry and mildly frustrated, most of us would get over this fairly quickly. But in today’s climate, even simple mishaps and seemingly minor infractions have caused some people to go completely off. It doesn’t take much to surmise that a powder keg has been simmering underneath, waiting for an opportunity to unleash. We see a lot of this expressed through road-rage, something that was virtually unheard of some twenty years ago.

Road-rage was Quaneesha’s wake-up call. She never learned much about cleaning up a kitchen or tidying up a living space, but the one thing she keeps immaculate is her car. It’s a bucket, but it’s hers, and she cherishes that car. She didn’t think she’d ever have a car of her own because for the longest while she lacked the confidence to drive. Even after a few driving lessons, she was convinced that she’d never be able to do it. She was 26 years old when she discovered that driving wasn’t nearly as scary as she once thought, and now she loves to drive.

Her abuser used her insecurity about driving to keep her isolated, afraid, and under his control. God has given us many precious gifts. He’s given us the authority to succeed and triumph in our own personal lives, and to live them to the fullest. The one thing that He did not give us was power over another person’s free-will choice. 2Corinthians 3:17 tells us, “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Liberty is a defining characteristic of the goodness of God. He’s given it to us through Jesus Christ, and in Galatians 5:1, He warns us to never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on us!

The ugliness of our own fears is that sometimes we grow dependent on others in extremely detrimental ways. We allow them to usurp the liberty and strength that God has given us. We develop a habit of moving from fear to fear. Growth is stunted and self-confidence is compromised whenever we attempt to swap one form of bondage for another. We were created to live free.

Abusers prey upon our weaknesses and fears, and often use them to gain and maintain control over us. God tells us in Romans 8:37 that we’re more than conquerors through Jesus Christ, who loves us. I don’t care how weak or strong we believe ourselves to be, through Christ, we are always exponentially stronger than we think. Quaneesha witnessed this when her abuser and ex-boyfriend, Richard, was involved in a road-rage incident that almost cost them their lives. When it happened, he tore out of his car without any regard for his own life or her safety. It was the wrong place, the wrong time, and the wrong people to mess with, and Richard almost didn’t survive the showdown. To save them both, Quaneesha had to drive, there was no other way.

She saw Richard in a different light. It made her face the reality that she had spent most of her life on the edge, all because she feared someone else’s rage. Until that moment, she had not realized how exhausted she was with living that way. Richard had not protected her, as a matter of fact, the thought had not even crossed his mind. Rather, she protected him. Sister girl drove that night!!! She faced double jeopardy and slayed that dragon of fear and oppression. Quaneesha kept right on driving. She drove Richard out of her life and her out of his. Through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we’re stronger than we think, and as our trust in him grows, so will our confidence in ourselves.■

Faith Does Not Come with a Seatbelt

Posted on June 19, 2018 by daaorg1214

I was never a fan of the dark. Accustomed to being awakened to horrific surprises, having to jump to my feet in fight or flight mode, as a child I grew to dread nighttime hours. Now, as an adult, sleep doesn’t come as easily as it might for some, and it can be frustrating. I can count on one hand the nights that I’ve awakened in the morning with a sense of deep rest from the night before. I sleep much more peaceably during daylight hours. This doesn’t interfere with the quality of life I now have, but it is most certainly a residual. It’s a leftover from the fear I lived with due to domestic violence during child and adolescent years.

As I matured into an adult, I was headed down a path very similar to the one I had always known; I chose boyfriends that were abusive. Fighting was something I was used to, and fighting back was becoming a pattern as well.

I was broken inside, but couldn’t call it brokenness, because I hadn’t heard anyone else call it that. What I saw and heard was this notion of protecting the secret. I did not even feel worthy enough to weep aloud. It wasn’t until I was married with children of my own that I actually gave myself permission to hear my own sobs, to mourn the childhood I should have had, and to moan if I felt I needed to.

2Corinthians 3:17(NLT) declares, “For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” I thank God to be free from the secret, and to speak my truth unashamedly. It is indeed cathartic, but lest I overreach into that bowl of selfishness, I must share the method of my release, and not just herald the release itself.

Jesus Christ extended an invitation to us all in Matthew 11:28-30(NLT), “28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” I had heard this passage many times in church, but I didn’t allow the overwhelming love he offered to connect with my need. I remember the feeling of utter hopelessness I had when I was almost seventeen. I made a split-second decision one night to lay it all on the line. It was my final hope, and I gave it all, every burden, over to Jesus Christ.

Something very real happened to me internally when I asked Christ to come into my life. I knew I was changed, and things started to get a little better for me, but still, I wanted more evidence. I was very self-reliant as a teen, because in certain areas I had to be, but insecurities had made me appear clumsy and odd at times in front of my peers. I was ridiculed, became comfortable with disappointment, and expected it often.

My young shoulders were heavy with problems at home and school. The responsibilities I had were not those of a normal teen. I cooked, cleaned, and cared for my siblings, and was expected to do so at a level that rivaled any mature adult. I also very much wanted to go to college, and that included worries and fears that most my age would not have considered, or would have had to. It seemed an impossible reality, with everything stacked against me, but I decided that I’d let Christ handle the whole thing.

I didn’t know nearly as much as I know now about operating by faith, but I knew enough to wrestle doubt every time it came to the surface. With every contrary thought of worry and anxiety, I arrested it in my mind with, “Nope! Not my worry. I gave it all to Jesus.” This affirmation became a habit pattern. It was a different kind of fight. I knew what a physical blow felt like. I knew what it was to be pushed to the floor so hard that you didn’t have time to process it; you just got back up for another round. But this ‘mind’ thing broke new ground for me. I could feel the wheels of power churning, not my wheels, but the Lord’s. A different kind of rest was opening up, and I had peace for the first time. Things worked out. Not the way I thought they would, but in a way that was divine and purposeful to my entire life’s journey.

I don’t know how I lost this pattern of faith the Lord had taught me, but I did. Child-like humility took a back seat to adult arrogance, and I thought I could handle everything all on my own. So later, when I was in my twenties, I finished college and made a near mess of my life. I was sitting alone one morning, having been up all night despondently waiting for the other shoe to drop. Suddenly, a memory shot across my mind’s eye like a shooting star. I didn’t recognize it as the everlasting hope it represented, but that’s exactly what it was. I had been in a miserable place before, and I was there again. I knew I couldn’t remain in that place much longer without losing myself altogether. I reached out to the Lord Jesus Christ; and again, he rescued me.

Well, here I am, still clumsy at times, and still struggling to get a good night’s sleep, but I claim and have held for some time now a peace that passes all understanding. 2Corinthians 5:7 tells us to walk by faith and not by sight. We don’t have to see where we’re going, and faith does not come with a seatbelt; it doesn’t need one. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is in the driver’s seat. As we release our hands from the wheel, and let ourselves fall completely into his care, he will keep us in his perfect peace.■

When Bitterness Gets A Rub

Posted on June 12, 2018 by daaorg1214

Hebrews 12:15(NLT) tells us, “Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” During the time in which God inspired the Apostle Paul to write this epistle to the Hebrews, Christians were being horribly treated, and many were executed for the sake of the gospel. It was a very tense time and as one might imagine, people were stressed. We’re living in stressful times today, but I don’t think it compares to what those before us endured. Still, the pressure of dealing with various challenges can cause a person to behave differently than they might otherwise. This was true thousands of years ago, and it’s true today. Pressure can cause us to harbor the wrong emotions. So, God’s warning in Hebrews 12:15 is a very important one, because it informs us that what grows in our hearts can take root in our lives.

Our emotions and feelings can get out of hand when we’re under duress. This can cause bitterness to fester within, and we’re not always aware it’s happening. God’s desire is that we look after one another and be concerned about our brothers’ and sisters’ welfare. This is one of our Christian duties. It’s a way that God can work through us to comfort one another, especially during hard times. But when bitterness is operating within, we can’t always pickup love’s call. It gets blocked. Therefore, we must do all that we can to get bitterness out of our hearts.

Years ago, I was betrayed by someone that I loved very much, and it hurt me terribly. I agonized over the loss for many weeks. Unwilling to confront the situation with maturity and grace, or to accept any responsibility for how things turned sour, I became very angry. At the same time, I was dealing with an issue at work, and felt I was being treated unfairly by my boss. Both things did a whammy on my head and heart. It was as if I was looking at someone else live my life. I was unhappy, and snappy all the time. I treated people I cared about poorly, and I don’t think I had ever raised my voice in anger the way I did back then. It was an ugly time. I internalized the anger and disappointment I felt, and blamed others for it. I had become very bitter.

God tells us in Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT), “31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” God would not tell us to do something that we’re incapable of getting done. He’s not giving us a suggestion here, but a directive to put away the bitterness, along with all its compadres. He’s made us totally responsible and accountable for the evil behavior that comes with bitterness, and He’s also made it very clear that it’s a choice to do so.

Hurt, heartache, and disappointment are heavies. They weigh us down, but they are also part of the human condition. Not only do they cause us to experience an avalanche of other emotions, but they can make us feel as though things are not going to get better. The special person that’s chosen to move on, the friend that betrays us, the family member who abandons or that isn’t there when we need them most; these circumstances are painful, but they are burdens we don’t have to carry alone. God tells us in 2Corinthians 12:9 (NLT) “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” He will carry the load of our hurt and devastation. He will pick up the pieces and make our lives all we dreamed they would be.

We can miss the grace of God if we continue to allow bitterness to take root in our hearts. A negative outlook spoils the growth of newness, and allows corrupt attitudes to poison our hopes. Through Jesus Christ, we can be so much better than this, but we have to want to be. God has warned us severely about letting bitterness take root because it is a contagion that is pervasive if allowed to go unchecked. It spills over into every aspect of our existence, and many of us have grown incredibly comfortable with it in our hearts. I know folks that have lived with bitterness so long that they won’t allow God’s love to go near it, not even to give it a rub.

The greatest thing that we can do for ourselves is to surrender our pain, anger, and disappointment to Heavenly Father through the Lord Jesus Christ. When we allow His love to takeover, bitterness is rubbed out, and our faith in Him is polished in the process! We need to ask Him to do a work in our hearts—to perform surgery on us through His love and give us a new heart. This should be our prayer—our open invitation to Him. He’ll do this for us, because He loves us, and He wants the joy of His glory to light up our hearts.■

Walk In Wisdom

Posted on June 5, 2018 by daaorg1214

Some years ago, I met Tabitha. She is accomplished and seasoned both in her profession and years, and found herself dealing with a troubling situation. In her late forties, she divorced an ailing husband to be with a much younger man. Her grown children and girlfriends believed it to be an incredibly selfish thing to do. She married her first husband right out of college. They raised a family together, settled into their careers, and acquired some degree of wealth and status as a couple. No one who knew them would ever have suspected that Tabitha would not be the devoted wife and stick with her husband through his illness, but she made the choice to leave him. It was a very difficult time in her family’s lives, but this was not nearly as troublesome as what she faced some years later.

Tabitha had a close-knit group of girlfriends that were equally as family-oriented as she was once thought to be. It’s not hard to imagine that they viewed her actions as self-sabotaging. By most folk’s standards, she was living a very stable life, but she was not fulfilled and hadn’t felt that way in a very long time. The new man she became involved with was 17 years her junior. He was exciting, impetuous, and very handsome. It felt to her that he had awaken things in her soul she had never experienced. She told me her love for him was so strong that she didn’t have a choice; being with him was something she felt she had to do–almost like breathing.

Proverbs 4:7(NKJV) tells us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” This verse is a heavy hitter. We hear it quite often, and sometimes, when verses and passages are very popular, we become too comfortable with them. Instead of digesting the heft of what the Lord is presenting to us, we allow the truth to swirl around our ears without landing firmly in our hearts. Our Heavenly Father, the Creator of all there is, has given us an order of importance for wisdom. It’s way up there on the scale. It’s the principal thing according to God’s book.

God wants us to be wise about our choices, and this means that we should seek to obtain a certain level of understanding about the impact of them. You and I don’t know the future, but God does, and it is uber important that we remain in control of our emotions and seek His direction. 2Timothy 1:7 (NLT) declares, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” These are the spirits that come from God; power, love, and self-discipline. Being out-of-control in any respect is a sure sign that the wrong spirit, one that isn’t from God, is calling the shots.

Whenever we’re at a place in life where we’re allowing our emotions and feelings to control our actions and rule over us, when we make decisions without consulting our higher self in Christ; the end result can be devastating. Tabitha and her new husband were happy for a few years, but he hid an addiction from her for most of this time. She was beyond regretful about her choices, and looking back on her situation, she said it was like someone had blindfolded her mind.

The Book of Job in the Old Testament tells us the record of the extremely harsh tribulation that Job endured. The devil pounced on him terribly, and cursed him with many afflictions. Before any of it took place, Job 1:7(NLT) tells us that God asked satan a question, “Where have you come from?” the LORD asked Satan. Satan answered the LORD, “I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.” This is what the devil does. Jesus Christ told us in John 10:10 that the devil is a thief whose only mission is to steal, kill, and destroy. The enemy patrols the earth, and do you know why he does this? He’s looking for an opportunity to steal from us, to rob us of joy and to cancel the awesome destiny that God has for us.

When we hear the Word, but don’t heed it, the enemy takes notice. These are exactly the opportunities he looks for. Our neglect of God’s Word is our neglect of wisdom, and this becomes the tool the devil uses to rob our lives. We can so clearly see why God has informed us that the wisdom of His Word is the principal thing. God wants to help us become spiritually sharp and aware. If we will learn more about Him, our trust in His Word will grow, then we can better guard our hearts and walk in wisdom. ■

Dedicating Your New Relationship to God

Posted on May 29, 2018 by daaorg1214

Many of us wake up, proceed with our morning rituals and routines, and carryon with the day. We get into a groove in our lives, and it can become so habit forming that sometimes we don’t recognize we’re neglecting our souls. When we bring this neglect into a new relationship, things can go sour pretty quickly. Love has a starting point, and we need to give it as firm a foundation as we possibly can. Ultimately, the love we put out there is the love that will come back to us, so if we’re neglecting the very core of our existence, what does this say about the caliber of love we’re able to give?

Self-love is not separate from the love of Christ. Society would like us to believe that the two are separate, that love of self is about practices that indulge and promote selfish thinking; not so. Jesus Christ said in John 15:12 (NLT), “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.” It’s a tall order for sure. Jesus Christ loved us so much that he gave his life for us, and he did it when we were incredibly cruel and uncaring; many of us still are. He commanded us to love each other with a love that measures up to the same caliber of his love. Jesus knows our capability, and he would not have given us a commandment of which we’re incapable of fulfilling.

The highest form of self-love is to love God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength, because when we do this, He will help us to love others unconditionally, and to thereby love ourselves in the most fortifying and fulfilling way. Colossians 3:14(NLT) tells us, “Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” If we begin our new relationships with the intention of clothing them in the love of Christ, something spiritual happens. We have an opportunity to plant a seed of unity that binds them together in perfect harmony.

A word of caution, you don’t want to sow your seeds on ground that will not yield a good harvest. This is a futile exercise. It causes us to lose valuable resources of stamina, momentum, and time on this Christian journey of life. We can regain stamina and momentum, but time is lost forever. So we need to exercise caution, caring, and concern, not just for ourselves, but for the destiny and journey of the other person as well.

God is our everything, and making sure we’re not trying to make a person our everything will give our relationships a solid footing. We must remember always that love gets its start from God. 1John 4:19 tells us that we love because He first loved us. He showed us the way to love. It’s logical, reasonable, and intellectually prudent to let Him increase our heart-space and teach us His most valuable trade-secrets. Wrapping our relationships in His unconditional love will secure His plan for not only our lives, but the life of the person we’ve chosen.

We can dedicate our new relationships to God by introducing newness into our daily routines. We do this by incorporating intentional spiritual practices to cover our relationships in the love of Christ each day. This means we must trim off any selfish motives, commit ourselves to pray daily for the person we’re involved with, and be willing to learn something new about God and His love from His Word. This will help us continue to spiritually grow in Christ, and to maintain harmony in our relationships by always putting God first. ■

You Deserve God’s Best!

Posted on May 15, 2018 by daaorg1214

In my opinion, the most insidious part of abusive behavior is manipulation. Many of us fall into this trap without realizing we’re doing it. There are things that we said we’d never accept, things that were a part of our zero-tolerance boundary, but gradually, we give up little pieces of it. We’re spoken to dismissively, as if our opinion has no value. Our level of commitment to the relationship is taken for granted, and we compromise the affection and warmth we deserve for even the smallest demonstration of care. Not only are we not getting what we need, we’re not sure we even know what that is anymore. We have to come to grips with the reality that manipulators can pull us in and pull us down before we know it. They are both perceptive and deceptive in ways that undermine our emotional well-being.

Any time we tune out our own self-worth for the sake of accommodating someone that isn’t emotionally stable or available, we’re denying ourselves the opportunity to develop spiritually. God is extremely interested in our well-being. In 3John 1:2, He tells us that He wants us to be in good health, and He wants our souls to prosper. Well, this can’t happen if we’re hurting ourselves and using someone else to do it.

God teaches us throughout His Word that the foundation of our relationship with Him is faith. In Hebrews 11:6, we learn that without faith, we can’t please God. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to us that all good relationships will be founded in pretty much the same way. Trust will be a central component. Not deception and manipulation, but wholehearted trust that is anchored in honesty, support, generosity, and kindness.

God’s Word gives us the perfect visual of what this trust looks like from all angles, His and ours. He tells us in 3John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” In John 3:16 (NKJV), Jesus Christ said, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” And in John 10:10, he said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. God’s got our backs! All day and in every way, He’s taken care of us. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually; He solidified everything we will ever need, and then He said, “Trust Me!”

He gave us the goods first, through our Lord and Savior, and then lovingly begs us to place our faith in Him so that we can share in all His wonderful treasures. Note that God did not ask us to place our trust in shabby, empty, or bottom-tier promises. He gives us eternal blessings and seals them with a guarantee that equals the unfathomable glory of His name. Let that one marinate with you a little bit.

He wants us to walk in truth. He gave us His one and only magnificent and powerful begotten Son, and through him we have life that never ends. God has made a more than abundant life available through Jesus Christ. Most of us would be happy with just an abundant life, but God deals in the exceedingly abundant! He’s made it possible for us to have more than we can possibly imagine through Christ. Ask yourself why?

Why did Heavenly Father give us these exceedingly precious blessings, and why is it so important that we know about His promises?

Here’s the uncompromising and unyielding truth, you will only accept what you feel you are worthy to receive. Your relationships will mirror this in every way.

God, the Creator of the universe, has given us such extraordinary blessings and promises, because He wants us to know how HE sees us. He wants us to measure our worth by HIS standard, not by the standard of someone that is narcissistic, selfish, and manipulative. That’s not the best, and you deserve God’s best. ■

A Tricked-Out Boo

Posted on May 8, 2018 by daaorg1214

Jordan was not the man Lisa thought she had married. When they first met, she was taken with his spontaneity and good looks. He had a kind of boy-next-door humility and charm that reminded her of her high-school sweetheart. Jordan is a personal trainer, and she met him at the gym where she works out. They dated almost a year before he popped the question, and they got married soon after. Before she met Jordan, Lisa was successful professionally, but unhappy. She had a close-knit group of girlfriends and a very supportive family who constantly consoled and encouraged her. She desperately wanted to be married. Having a family and being a mother and a wife was all she had ever dreamed about, but none of her relationships lasted, and she went through extreme bouts of sadness because of the loneliness.

Lisa was very busy at work one day when Jordan phoned. She told him she didn’t have time to talk, and would call him back. She had no idea that something this simple would cause the barrage of questions she faced when she got home. She just kept thinking that it came out of nowhere, and she couldn’t understand what had gotten into Jordan. In the coming months, it got worse. At first, she overlooked his jealous tendencies, and was a little flattered by them. After a while, he started accusing her of all kinds of things, and her life began to feel like a prison.

Jesus Christ taught us in John 10:10 (NKJV), “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” An abundant life is a life that is filled with love, peace, joy, wholeness, and all the other wonderful blessings that God has made available through Christ. This isn’t just for people who dot all their ‘i’s and cross all their ‘t’s. John 3:16 says that God loved the entire world so much that He gave His only begotten Son as a sacrifice. The sacrifice of Christ was needed because humans chose to turn their backs on God and to live in darkness. So when we were at our worse, Christ came to die for us. This is how much the Father loves and cares for us all.

God wants every person to live the greatest life of which they are capable. He wants us to be happy, and not only does He want us to be happy, He’s given us the spiritual accoutrement to acquire the kind of life we desire. Contrary to what many people believe, the devil is real. It is impossible for God to tell a lie, and His Word is true. Heavenly Father has an archenemy, and he is the thief that Jesus Christ talked about in John 10:10. The thief is the devil, and he doesn’t want us to be happy. One of the major ways that the devil destroys our happiness is to keep us blind to his tricks.

God tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV), “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” We need to be alert and aware because the devil looks for an opening to come into our lives, and for many women, loneliness and desperation presents just the opportunity he’s looking for.

Being single longer than a person would like can bring on feelings of sadness, but God still expects us to have faith in His provision, no matter how things look. He expects that we will check-in with Him for greenlights and get that all-important “okay to go!” before we give someone access into our lives. When we don’t get an ‘all clear’ from God, we might fall for a tricked-out Boo from the enemy, and that’s not God’s Will for us. It’s not that the guy is so bad, but he may not be seasoned enough in God’s Word to resist being used by the devil against you.

God will help us no matter how bad the situation is, but the best approach is to not get into the situation in the first place. Amping up our prayer lives and understanding what God desires from us is always going to prepare us spiritually. It will help us operate in the gift of discernment, so that we will know a trick when we see it and steer clear.■

Starving for Love

Posted on May 1, 2018 by daaorg1214

There are some things that are just baked into our makeup. They come standard with the packaging, but sometimes we mess with the wiring and cause things to go haywire. When this happens, one of the mistakes that we make is to think that we can let those things continue to run on automatic—that we can let them go unchecked. That’s just not true. God has gifted us with the responsibility to keep our own spiritual houses in order. Many of us do a fairly decent job when it comes to the outside. With all the make-up tutorials out there, we can keep those brows on fleek and that hair snatched with the best of em’. But when it comes to the inside—hmmm—that’s another story.

We all know what it feels like to go too long without eating, and to feel hungry; not exactly the most pleasant feeling, but it’s an extremely beneficial physical signal. When the stomach is empty, it causes a hunger hormone to be released, and it signals our brain that it’s eatin’ time. The body will naturally do this on its own. The hunger signal is on automatic, but somewhere along the way, many of us stopped paying attention to it. We eat when we’re not hungry, and sometimes we eat the wrong things. The problem has gotten so out of hand for a lot of us that many doctors are suggesting that we learn how to get back in touch with our hunger signals.

We overeat and eat the wrong foods for different reasons. Some of us are emotional eaters, others eat when they’re bored, and some of us have never learned to develop good eating habits in the first place. Whatever the reason, taking control will force us to ask and answer questions about exactly what signals we’ve followed and why. Our hunger for love should prompt us to do the same thing.

1John 4:10(NLT) says, “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” God is love. He created us from love, and gave us the honor and privilege through Christ to walk in His love daily. We’re the spiritual children of God, and if there’s one signal that we can be confident in, it’s the one regarding His love. Not only does He teach us to love the right way, He will also help us to recognize when our tanks are running empty. This is often the signal we miss. And because we do, we look for love in all the wrong places.

Sometimes we don’t feed our spiritual selves a healthy diet, the kind that nurtures our relationship with God through Christ, and also makes our souls strong and our hearts happy. Many of us ignore the reality that God’s Holy Spirit lives inside us, and that loving Him is the highest form of loving ourselves.

Through the Lord Jesus Christ, God is constantly delivering the love signal, but one of the things we’ve learned is that if we eat the wrong thing, we begin to crave the wrong thing; so instead of picking up the real-love signal, we race to satisfy a craving that isn’t of God. We get into all sorts of trouble this way, because we’re starving ourselves of what we really need.

The way to make sure that we never starve is to do as Jesus Christ commanded in Mark 12:30 (NLT), when he said, “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” This isn’t a chore. It’s the greatest thing that any human being can do. It’s a privilege to love God. He pours that love right back into us and expands us, makes us more than we ever thought we could be.

1John 4:16 (NLT) tells us, “We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” When we feast on God’s love, there’s no starving. His love fills us in every way. Trust in the unconditional, overwhelming love God has for you. Learn to love yourself through the eyes of His love, then your tank will always be full, and you’ll recognize and accept nothing less than a real-love signal. ■

Domestic Abuse Awareness.Org

Breaking the chains of domestic abuse through the power of Jesus Christ.

Tag Archives: Wisdom